I’ll never forget the time I got bombastically side-eyed at a fancy dinner for not waiting until everyone was served before picking up my fork. I wasn’t being rude—I was just hungry. But apparently, that was a breach of “proper etiquette.”
The funny thing is that half the table laughed it off, and the other half still followed rules straight out of a 1950s charm school. That’s when it hit me: so many of these old manners don’t really fit the way we live anymore.
Surveys reveal that nearly 90% of people now prioritize genuine connection over perfected manners, signaling a shift toward kindness and flexibility as the new social currency. So, let’s talk about it.
Waiting a year before giving wedding gifts
Officially, etiquette guides instructed wedding guests to wait until the bride and groom’s first year of marriage before presenting them with gifts. Experts such as those quoted by Reader’s Digest suggest this stems from the old-fashioned concerns over the durability of a marriage.
It’s now considered proper etiquette to send a wedding gift before the wedding or within three months of the couple getting married,” says Whitmore.
Newlyweds today usually receive help right away with wedding costs, honeymoons, or moving costs.
Not toasting with non-alcoholic drinks
There is an old rule that you do not toast over non-alcoholic beverages because, in the past, there was a superstitious link with death. Experts such as Letitia Baldridge indicate that modern-day toasts include everyone, no matter what they’re sipping.
As more people choose not to drink or prefer water, juice, or fizzy soda at gatherings, the rule appears inhospitable. Manners today are about celebratory togetherness—not strict drink bans. So raise your glass of sparkling water in a toast.
Women walking only on the man’s right side
This courtship rule goes back to the Middle Ages: knights wore swords on the left side, so going on a man’s right left his sword hand free. Nowadays, professionals say the gender-based rule is unnecessary and out of place. It presumes roles and situations that no longer fit daily reality.
Folks of any gender group go strolling together, side by side, with no need for ancient positioning. Modern manners value convenience and equality over tradition for tradition’s sake.
Arriving fashionably late to parties
Some believe that being late is making a statement, but etiquette professionals beg to differ. Arriving 5-15 minutes behind schedule is generally acceptable; arriving 30+ minutes late is so common that the bar is shifting.
Intentional lateness can disrupt hosts and make guests uneasy. Experts such as Emily encourage arriving on time or communicating if you’ll be late. It shows respect and keeps the mood positive. So skip the “make an entrance” strategy—instead, arrive when you’re expected.
Throwing your own celebration parties is tacky
In some circles, it was once considered improper for someone to throw their own party—birthdays, housewarmings, or even engagements. Today, hosts prefer to host their own parties just because they want the party their way.
Etiquette experts say that as long as the party is tasteful and thoughtful, self-hosting is perfectly fine. People love the sincerity and control one derives from hosting oneself. So yes—go ahead and invite your friends to party with you.
Forcing children to hug relatives
Together, it was formerly assumed that children must hug or kiss family members, regardless of the child’s awkwardness. A piece in Bored Panda cites experts like Lisa Mirza Grotts, who say such a rule goes against modern practices of respecting boundaries and observing consent.
Wise etiquette emphasizes giving the child a choice and honoring their space. Forcing hugs and kisses can leave the relative and child in an awkward situation. Modern manners instruct us to ask, rather than coerce. It’s a small change that honours feelings and builds respect.
Expecting handwritten thank-you notes always
Years ago, manners books demanded handwritten thank-you notes on every gift or favor. Now, digital messages, video greetings, or a prompt phone call are often sufficient—and welcome.
Experts quoted by Business Insider share 6 times you should write a thank-you note — and the 2 times you can skip. In the whirlwind of life, a swift, sincere thanks is better than a stodgy note that comes too late.
Strict dress codes for aviation
Remember when flying meant dressing up in your best clothes? Etiquette guru Diane Gottsman remarks that while looking put-together still counts, comfort and context matter more now. If you’re boarding a plane, neat casual attire is widely accepted.
The key is respect for others in shared spaces—not operating under outdated formal attire rules. So skip the tux unless you’re attending a gala.
Refraining from strong perfumes
Heavy odors were considered rude in ancient etiquette and were likely to irritate others. Practitioners like Lisa Grotts still encourage “less is more,” but acknowledge that perfume use is everyday and that conventions have changed.
In contemporary social life, it is cleaner, more polite, and allergy-conscious to restrict perfume use than to prohibit it entirely. If you adore your scent, use it responsibly—consider the environment and your companions.
Women should never initiate greetings
A rule of etiquette dictated that women should be approached or introduced by men, and that men should take the lead. Statistics from the Pew Research Center reveal that 71% of Americans report that gender-based greeting rules are old-fashioned.
Experts currently advise people to extend a greeting, offer a handshake, or make an introduction regardless of gender. Courtesy is human—not transmitted by traditional social scripts. A friendly “Hi, I’m…” works for everyone. Manners shift as we treat one another as equals.
Key takeaway
Etiquette follows society. The majority of the rules established decades earlier no longer apply to the way people interact, connect, and show respect. Experts suggest manners that are natural, welcoming, and respectful. Rather than clinging to old formality, we can honor simple values: be courteous, observe others, adapt to the context, and steer clear of outdated rules that no longer serve a purpose.
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Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.
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