A quiet generational war is unfolding over manners, and neither side seems to realize how deeply it runs.
It’s the classic generational clash. What one group sees as basic, non-negotiable respect, another views as a stuffy, outdated rule that gets in the way. This isn’t just about big-picture items like politics or buying houses; it’s about the daily frictions of human interaction. These miniature social disconnects can create a lot of awkwardness, leaving Boomers feeling disrespected and younger generations feeling confused and unfairly judged.
This gap often stems from a difference in values. Many Baby Boomers were raised in a world that prized formality, structure, and adhering to established scripts. Younger generations, facing different economic pressures and growing up online, tend to prioritize authenticity, efficiency, and emotional honesty over rigid rules and regulations. Here are ten behaviors that drive Boomers up a wall but are just another Tuesday for Millennials and Gen Z.
Dressing Casually for Formal Events
The days of mandatory suits and ties for every “serious” occasion are fading fast. For many Boomers, dressing up is a sign of respect for the event, whether it’s a wedding, a funeral, or a nice dinner. Wearing “smart” sneakers, dark jeans, or a polo shirt can come across as lazy or even insulting. It suggests you don’t think the event is important enough to put forth your best effort.
This shift is strongly reflected in the workplace, which has become significantly more relaxed. A Randstad survey cited by CNBC found that 61% of employees said their company has a casual dress code or no dress code at all. Younger people now value comfort and personal expression. They believe their presence and engagement are what matter, not the fabric they’re wearing.
Being Too Quiet in Group Settings
In many professional and social settings, Boomers were taught that confidence is broadcast. They value a firm handshake, intense eye contact, and speaking up in a group. To them, silence can be mistaken for disinterest, a lack of knowledge, or shyness. They think, “If you have a good idea, say it!” and may find a quiet person rude for not sharing their thoughts.
But for many younger people, especially introverts, this couldn’t be further from the truth. They aren’t being rude; they’re processing the information before offering a thoughtful opinion. They grew up communicating via text and forums, where you have time to formulate a response. They often prefer to listen and absorb, finding the pressure to “just talk” unnecessary and counterproductive.
Delayed or Minimal Gratitude
This one is a significant point of friction. The Boomer generation was drilled on the importance of the handwritten thank-you note, sent promptly after receiving a gift or favor. When they give something, they expect a clear, timely, and proportional acknowledgment. A simple “thx” text, or even worse, no acknowledgment for a few days, feels incredibly ungrateful.
For younger generations, gratitude is just expressed differently. A Gallup Survey found that 74% of younger employees prefer feedback at least weekly. They value immediate, casual, and frequent feedback over grand, formal gestures. A quick text is the thank-you note; the “formality” is the part they ignore.
Using Humor to Deflect Serious Issues
When the conversation turns serious—discussing finances, health, or a difficult life event—Boomers often value a tone that is direct, respectful, and serious. Younger generations, however, have adopted dark humor as a primary means of coping with life’s challenges. They will make a self-deprecating joke about their massive student debt or the impossible housing market, which can be jarring.
This immense stress is a driving force behind this humor. Boomers may see it as immature or disrespectful, but for Gen Z, it’s a way to say “this is awful, but we’re in it together” and bond over shared struggles.
Wearing Headphones in Public
For a generation that values being available for casual social interaction, headphones are a public-facing wall. Walking through a store, on the street, or even in an office with earbuds in is often seen as the epitome of antisocial behavior. It’s a visible “do not disturb” sign that closes you off from the world, and to many Boomers, it feels isolating and unfriendly.
For younger people, it’s not a barrier; it’s a bubble. It’s a tool for managing anxiety, catching up on a podcast during your commute, or staying focused while working remotely. Some younger people wear headphones in public to avoid talking to people. It’s a form of self-care and a way to make their travel time more productive or peaceful.
Eating Meals on the Couch
The dinner table was the sacred center of the Boomer household. It was where you gathered, put napkins on laps, and talked about your day. Eating dinner on the couch in front of the TV was a rare treat, not the default. To them, it can look messy, lazy, and antisocial, breaking the important ritual of the shared family meal.
Younger generations, often living in smaller apartments and juggling packed schedules, see things differently. The couch is the comfortable hub of the home, and the dining room is usually nonexistent. They’re busy, maybe juggling a side hustle, and eating on the couch is efficient; it combines dinner and relaxation. It’s not about ignoring the family; it’s about maximizing comfort.
Lost Rules of Social Graces
This is a catch-all for all the small courtesies Boomers were taught are non-negotiable. This includes not holding the door, not using “Sir” or “Ma’am,” or using “No problem” instead of “You’re welcome.” These small scripts are, for them, the grease that keeps society running smoothly. When they’re skipped, it feels like a breakdown in basic civility.
This isn’t just a feeling; it’s a common perception. A 2023 poll found that 85% of Americans believe people have become less polite over the last decade. But younger people would argue that they focus on different, more meaningful rules. They might forget to say “ma’am,” but they are far more careful about using inclusive language and respecting personal boundaries.
Constantly Checking Phones During Conversations
This is the big one. For a Boomer, pulling out a phone in the middle of a face-to-face conversation is the ultimate snub. It says, “Whatever is on this screen is more important than you.” It breaks the fundamental contract of a conversation: mutual, undivided attention. They find it vulgar and distracting, a sign that the other person is bored.
While research confirms this is damaging—a Baylor University study found that “phubbing” (phone snubbing) hurts relationship satisfaction—younger generations have a different view. The phone is an extension of their brain. They might be looking up a fact to add to the conversation or multitasking, not trying to ignore the person in front of them.
Not Sticking to Proper Grammar and Punctuation
Boomers were taught that good grammar is a sign of a good education and, by extension, a sign of respect for the person you’re writing to. An email or text sent with all lowercase letters, slang abbreviations (“idk,” “cuz”), and a total lack of punctuation looks lazy and uneducated. It implies the writer just couldn’t be bothered to put in the effort.
Younger generations, however, communicate in a “textspeak” that has its own complex, unwritten rules. Using a period, for example, is seen as a hostile or passive-aggressive act. A study by Binghamton University found that text messages ending with a period were perceived as less sincere than those without one. It’s not bad grammar; it’s a different, faster language.
Over-Sharing on Social Media About Minor Frustrations
“Don’t air your dirty laundry” was a core tenet for many Boomers. Personal problems, minor slights, and bad moods were handled privately or within a tiny, trusted circle. They are often baffled and put off when a younger person posts a lengthy rant about their bad day at work or a minor spat with a friend. It seems unprofessional and needy.
For digital natives, social media is a primary support system. Sharing frustrations online isn’t a weakness; it’s a form of crowdsourcing empathy. It’s a way to get instant validation from peers who are going through the same thing. They are building a community based on shared vulnerability, turning their social feeds into a massive group chat —a concept utterly foreign to a more private generation.
Key Takeaway
At the heart of these generational tensions isn’t rudeness, it’s reinterpretation. What Boomers see as disrespect, younger generations often view as adaptation to a faster, more digital, and emotionally open world. Whether it’s texting instead of calling, dressing for comfort, or joking through hard times, etiquette has evolved to fit new lifestyles and technologies.
The real takeaway? Respect hasn’t disappeared; it’s just wearing different clothes. Understanding that helps bridge the gap between generations who both, in their own ways, are simply trying to connect.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.
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