You know that feeling when you lock eyes with her in a room full of people—looking incredible, sipping her cocktail, laughing with her friends—and then your confidence rises? Your mind is racing with thoughts of, “Go for her!” but your legs are all of a sudden like, “CHill, dude. We’re not going anywhere.”
Flirting doesn’t always have to be deadly serious. But for some reason, that’s always how we seem to treat it.
A study done by ResearchGate indicates that individuals with social anxiety and a deficit of social capital may have problems making romantic and social relationships.
And once you’re comfortable making those moves, making a pass at her will no longer be something that gives you nightmares. Here are 10 ways to flirt with confidence and end up with her number:
Master your mindset
Self-perception directly correlates with social magnetism. A study by PubMed Central shows that individuals with higher self-confidence tend to have more positive associations with social experiences. Without a conscious effort, your true self sends a subconscious signal about your inherent importance.
Develop a belief in your own value before seeking others’ approval. Imagine that instead of going to a busy networking event to seek their approval, you walk into a room as a contributor with a special perspective and engage in dialogue. This shifts your mindset away from a possible negative response and prepares you for a successful encounter.
Optimize your technique: opening line advantage
This verbal cue tends to forecast how a particular interaction might go. A peer-reviewed study available via PubMed Central — Originality in online dating profile texts — concludes that perceived originality of a user’s profile text affects perceived attractiveness, perceived humor, and perceived intelligence, which are then linked to dating intention.
Make a comment that stems from observation or a clever remark with a connection to your environment. You might be standing in an art gallery; instead of asking ‘Hi, what’s your sign?’ you could comment: ‘Look at that painting. This would prompt a particular and interesting response.
Tap into nonverbal language
Nonverbal cues speak volumes before a single word has a chance to be spoken. Open body language—arms unfolded, shoulders relaxed, and genuine smiles—can increase perceived approachability.
Exude confidence in your posture and gestures. Keep your head high with your shoulders back. Make a gentle smile when you see someone in a room and hold the gaze a fraction of a second longer than you would naturally. This indicates that someone is available and interesting enough to warrant notice.
Engage authentically
Authenticity accelerates rapport-building. Authentic interactions lead to a much higher level of engagement and trust than those with a hidden agenda. Insincere individuals are readily caught.
Building a connection with the other person and focusing less on getting a number. Use open-ended questions to help a respondent open up. Imagine being in a concert setting. Instead of asking: ‘So, do you like this band?’Try: ‘What’s your favorite thing about concerts?’ This prompts the other person to reflect on their interests while helping build a connection.
Include humor smartly
Laughter can be considered a strong social facilitator. A very frequently cited study, Putting Laughter in Context: Shared Laughter as Behavioral Indicator of Relationship Well Being, tested a hypothesis among 71 heterosexual pairs. The proportion of simultaneous laughter in their conversations showed a strong positive association with their perceived relationship quality.
A carefully crafted joke, with a touch of self-deprecating humor, can go a long way toward diffusing tension and establishing a light-hearted mood. You might think about spilling a little drop of your drink while chatting with someone.
Listen actively
Deeply engaging in a conversation indicates that a listener values others’ input. A frequently cited study with a more dated origin: The Relative Effectiveness of Active Listening in Initial Interactions found that active listening (using techniques such as paraphrasing and follow-up questions) increased levels of conversational satisfaction and perceived social attractiveness of the listener, above those for passive listening.
Give this speaker your undivided attention. Put away things such as your cell phone. Respond when a traveler gives a story about a recent trip with: “That sounds incredible – what was the most unexpected thing you discovered there?”
Emphasize common interests
Finding common interests builds instant connections and a degree of familiarity. Discussions about shared hobbies or interests increase the likelihood of a second date. Common interests are a natural basis for a connection.
Attentive to their dialogue for potential common ground. Notice a band t-shirt that he may be wearing. You can comment: “Oh, I love this band. Have you had a chance to go to one of their concerts?” This begins a smooth-flowing dialogue.
Give a genuine compliment
General compliments may be insincere. By contrast, a thoughtfully observed and particularized compliment can be very effective. According to PubMed Central, men experience stronger emotional responses to personality-related remarks than to appearance-based ones.
Personality comments are considered more pleasant than appearance comments. However, comments about personality were judged as more unpleasant than those about appearance.
Give a compliment that focuses on something unique and unexpected. A comment such as “You’re pretty” can be followed with observation of her interesting necklace: “That’s a really interesting necklace; tell me about it.” This creates a more interesting memory because it indicates that her interactor appreciates her uniqueness.
Creating a comfortable feel
People are attracted to those environments where they feel comfortable. Perceived comfort strongly influences openness. Body language influences the entire process.
Keep a relaxed posture and a smooth conversational tone.
Avoid staring at her intently and talking too fast. This might give her the feeling that she needs to hurry along. For example, when she starts talking about a somewhat stressful day, empathize with her and respond with something such as: “Sounds like you deserved a break tonight.”
Know when to escalate
The timeliness of your request for a number is critical. A recent study, “Sharing and Receiving Eye-Contact Predicts Mate Choice After a 5-Minute Conversation,” used a naturalistic speed-dating paradigm. In this study, reciprocal eye contact was a strong predictor of whether a participant wanted to go out with someone again.
Notice her level of engagement – if she is laughing, looking at you, and asking for your response, then everything is going well. Notice her smile when a shared joke elicits laughter, then a naturally flowing dialogue. This is a great time to transition.
Key takeaways
Becoming a skilled practitioner of effective, confident flirting requires more than a clever catchphrase; it requires a sophisticated integration of true confidence, listening, and observation. By fostering a genuine mindset and engaging with true interest, a significant amount of social capital can be built.
Make sure to inject a little humor where applicable, actively look for points of common ground, and use specific forms of praise. Now may be a good time to ask her for her number directly.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.
How Total Beginners Are Building Wealth Fast in 2025—No Experience Needed
How Total Beginners Are Building Wealth Fast in 2025
I used to think investing was something you did after you were already rich. Like, you needed $10,000 in a suit pocket and a guy named Chad at some fancy firm who knew how to “diversify your portfolio.” Meanwhile, I was just trying to figure out how to stretch $43 to payday.
But a lot has changed. And fast. In 2025, building wealth doesn’t require a finance degree—or even a lot of money. The tools are simpler. The entry points are lower. And believe it or not, total beginners are stacking wins just by starting small and staying consistent.
Click here and let’s break down how.
