After 50, love is not only possible, it’s better than ever. A 2020 Pew Research Center survey said 19% of adults ages 50 to 64 have used online dating sites. Gone are the days when it meant you were settling into relationship retirement, or following an imaginary set of rules that never did you any favors.
At 50, You Need to Either Marry or Cut Bait
The pull to “make up your mind and settle down” runs into a brick wall after 50. Life teaches you that you’ll usually run faster, kind of ambling into commitment, than when you rush into it. Men and women over 50 have often had enough of the dating game, including casual dating, and have had enough of the city to last a lifetime.
They realize that really getting comfortable with someone takes some time, and they’re not keen on missing out on that all-important getting-to-know-you phase. The “biological clock” thing doesn’t make sense here, so why pretend it does?
Meet in Person, Because You’re Too Old for Online Dating
This rule never even existed on a dial-up internet connection, according to Match. According to the Annual Singles in America study, adults over 50 are the fastest-growing online dating demographic. The stereotype that older people struggle with technology is likely to be hard to believe once you see how actively older adults have embraced dating apps and websites.
Many of them find it easier to chat by text or message before meeting for coffee. Online dating affords them the opportunity.
You Can’t Have a Significant Age Gap
As you get older, society’s deranged infatuation with age-appropriate dating becomes a little more irrelevant. Suppose you’re talking about a 55-year-old dating a 45-year-old, well.
In that case, it doesn’t say anything at all about how old either person is because nobody over the age of 14 uses that language instead of saying what they mean. They’re both grown-ups who’ve been around the block and have careers, and they know what they want.
Your age matters less than where you are in life. Suppose you are both retired, or both have grown children, or both are about to embark on new lives. In that case, those shared circumstances produce a natural sense of compatibility.
You Shouldn’t Show Your “Real Self” Too Soon
It’s tough losing the hard-to-get game when you’re a woman who has lived half a century. People over 50 know that being someone you’re not is exhausting and pointless.
Indeed, data from SeniorMatch’s dating platform highlights the importance of being honest and upfront about values, life goals, and emotional needs, which are more likely to foster intimate connections and lead to greater fulfillment.
All First Dates Should Have A Script
You get tired of coffee dates and drinks and dinners and a movie when you’ve done them dozens of times. Bumble’s dating advice encourages its users to avoid sitting across from a stranger in a loud, dark bar and instead meet their date in a brightly lit and populated location.
That old screenplay is so dull, isn’t it, now that they don’t need a script that says itchy, scratchy, safe and familiar, itchy, scratchy, safe and familiar? They have a good sense of what they like and don’t hesitate to tell prospective partners. You’re natural openers lead to future appointments.
Don’t Discuss Finances or Your Future Just Yet
I also want to emphasize that you shouldn’t discuss your finances or plans in the early months. Why show off practical contortions in the prime of our lives? It’s not uncommon for those over 50 to have complex financial lives, retirement accounts, perhaps some property, adult children, and even alimony or other requirements.
They aren’t being unromantic; they’re being realistic. It is time to stop pretending money doesn’t matter, or not to have the conversation about where we are going in the future.
If one of you wants to travel the world and the other is primarily concerned with paying off your mortgage, that’s the kind of information that is a good idea to share early. These talks don’t kill the romance; they are saving you from future heartache and creating the foundation for realistic planning together.
Love After 50 Must Be Rare or Less “Real”
This myth should be buried, deeper than a time capsule. According to the National Poll on Healthy Aging, three-quarters, 75% of adults aged 65 to 80 say they’re satisfied with the way they can enjoy romantic relationships. More than seven in 10 71% say they have enough romantic or sexual intimacy in their lives.
Love doesn’t have a sell-by date, and emotional connections can actually grow stronger with age and experience. Many people over 50 say they no longer get nervous before a first date, thanks to the wisdom of age and life experience, but that never makes a new person less interesting to meet.
You Shouldn’t Express Physical Intimacy
The idea that interest in physical intimacy wanes with age is misguided and hurtful. Confidence comes with experience, and confidence is sexy at any age.
Those over 50 tend to be more vocal about expressing their needs and desires, which can make them better lovers. They’re not trying to put on a show for anyone or prove themselves worthy of anything at all except deep pleasure and connection.
All Your Friends Must Approve
The need for social proof loses its grip once you’ve lived long enough to witness friends make rather bad relationship decisions of their own.
According to the National Poll on Healthy Aging, most people over 50 report having close friendships, but they also express that maintaining friendships becomes harder with age, suggesting that they may not let peer pressure dictate major life decisions like ending a relationship.
Men Should Do All the Asking Out
In this year and this country, gender roles that were archaic when Letty Lynton was made seem even more so today. Women in their 50s no longer react to the phone like teenagers do; can they really be expected to wait for the phone to ring?
Experience has taught them that waiting for someone else to take the initiative is often the same as waiting forever. Men aged 50 and older sometimes are even appreciative of women who are direct and unashamed about showing interest.
“Divorce” Means You “Lost” at Love
The rate of divorce after age 50 has doubled since the 1990s, according to the American Psychological Association. This is not a failure indicator; it is often a strength indicator. Many millions of people spend decades in unfulfilling marriages before they decide, as rule-makers of their own lives, that they choose not to.
They are not quitting love, they are making space for better love.” Some relationships have natural conclusions, and there is wisdom, not weakness, in acknowledging that.
Society’s attitudes toward divorce have softened as it’s become clear that staying in a bad marriage can make you miserable, and that strenuously leaving a terrible one doesn’t have to. Beginning at 50-plus, we often find ourselves in the happiest and most fulfilling times of our lives.
Steer Clear of “Heavy” Subjects Like Health and Family
You can’t just pretend that serious things aren’t happening as you age, as your parents age, as your children age, as people get cancer, as you change jobs. These aren’t heavy subjects; they’re life. Suppose someone is not able to handle conversations about your health history or your family obligations. In that case, they are not ready for an adult relationship.
Sharing these fears upfront is a way to figure out if you’re on the same page – and it fosters trust. The right person will want to know your entire situation and how you can support each other through it all.
Second and Third Chances Are Desperate
Notions of multiple liaisons signifying failure are archaic in the face of modern-day life expectancy and evolving social mores. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average American is expected to live well into their 80s, which means someone who’s 50 potentially has three or four decades of life remaining.
That’s plenty of time for more than a few meaningful relationships, career changes, and personal reinvention. Every relationship is a learning experience in compatibility, communication, and what we need.
You Can Only Date Those In Your “Type”
Over 50, many people have come to realize that their “type” is actually a composite of superficial preferences that never predicted a successful relationship.
Laughter may be more important than a perfectly composed resume. The person you share your Sunday morning routine with matters more than someone who shares your favorite movies. Expanding your idea of what you find attractive will help you consider people you may have already met but dismissed based on arbitrary rules about who you “should” date.
You Shouldn’t Be “Too Picky”
The advice to “lower your standards” can seem particularly dismissive when directed towards adults who have accrued enough wisdom and life experience to know exactly what they want in a relationship. Robert Levenson, a psychologist at UC Berkeley, says couples are generally happier the older they get, especially in the latter half of life.
It’s not being difficult, that’s called being discriminating. After a lifetime of experience, you already know the kind of personality that gets on your nerves and the kind of personality that you can live with.
Key Takeaway
Getting back into dating doesn’t mean you just throw the rulebook out the window and write your own story. The old rules were designed for an older world, when people didn’t live as long and didn’t have as many options.
Today’s adults over 50 have what it takes: life experience, wisdom, a sense of who they are, and the chances are good that they know what works for them, what they want, and how to enjoy it. Stop obeying rules that never did make sense, and start following your instincts.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
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