Cody Isabel is a neuroscientist and parenting coach who has identified what parental traits are more likely to lead their child to become a narcissist. Are you guilty of these parenting styles? What can you do to prevent launching another narcissist into the world?
The Family Dynamic is a Significant Predictor
In an interview on CNBC Isabel explains that narcissistic tendencies, such as feelings of superiority, grandiosity, entitlement and lack of empathy, are directly related to how parents’ model for their children, and relate to them.
Fighting Natural Tendencies
Isabel does counsel us all (as thought we could ever forget) that children and teens are naturally more selfish, due to their still developing minds. This is not the same as narcissism. It is normal for them to be less self-aware. It is up to us parents to teach them to regulate emotions, and to have and show empathy. These can be learned.
Based on Isabel’s experience, the following parental mistakes are more likely to lead to a narcissistic kid.
Lack of Awareness of Your Own Negative Behaviors
Children learn through observation and reflection, which means they can adopt both positive and negative behaviors from the people around them. For example, if you encounter a situation where a cashier makes a mistake with your change, your response is key to modeling positive behavior for your child. If you respond with anger or humiliation, your child is likely to perceive this reaction as acceptable.
Empathy is Key
This highlights the crucial importance of teaching and demonstrating emotional intelligence (EQ) to your children, with a specific focus on empathy. A good starting point is helping them identify and understand their own emotions.
Practice with Empathic Communication
You can achieve this by giving a name to the emotions you believe they might be experiencing. For instance, you can ask, “Are you shocked or angry about what your friend did?” Practicing EQ in this way will make it easier for them to express their feelings and be mindful of how others are feeling in the future.
Mirroring Emotions Helps Kids Feel Heard
Another aspect to consider is mirroring and validating your child’s emotions. If you shame, distract, or ignore your child’s emotions, you convey the message that what they are feeling is wrong.
Instead, mirroring involves meeting your child where they are and helping them label their emotions. Validating their emotions means acknowledging that what they are feeling is reasonable.
How To Mirror
For example, if your child appears upset after coming home from school and stomps into the house, slams down their book bag, and has an angry glare, you can mirror their feelings by saying, “It looks like you’re having a tough day. What happened?”
Kids Share, You Validate
Once they share their experience, you can validate their emotions by saying, “I can understand why you’re upset.” This doesn’t imply agreement or disagreement with their emotions, but conveys that their feelings are acceptable, ultimately building their trust in their own emotions over time.
Do Not Ignore Narcissistic Behaviors
Addressing narcissistic behaviors in your child is vital. If your child throws a fit in public because they’re not getting their way, it’s crucial to intervene constructively. You don’t need to shame them, but you should remove them from the situation.
Ask These Three Questions
You can start by asking three questions:
- “What happened?”
- “How are you feeling?”
- “How do you think your reaction is making the other person (or the people around you) feel?”
By doing so, you help your child develop empathy, social awareness, and emotional regulation skills, all of which are essential for nurturing emotional intelligence (EQ).
Use The Tools Around You
To identify potential narcissistic behaviors in your child, you can engage in activities like discussing the emotions of characters in books or movies. If your child can recognize and express the feelings of these characters, such as sadness or anger, it indicates a healthy level of EQ. However, if they respond with indifference or disregard for the characters’ emotions, it may be a sign that they need support in developing these skills.
What To Do If You Think You Child Is a Narcissist
If you are concerned that your child may have narcissistic tendencies and feel unequipped to address the issue, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in personality disorders. It’s essential to remember that narcissistic behaviors are often learned during childhood, and can be unlearned with the right support and guidance.
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