According to an analysis by Pew Research Center, the percentage of unpartnered U.S. adults dropped from 44% in 2019 to 42% in 2023. However, how we get there is changing. In fact, among adults under 45, more have lived with a partner than have been married.
So, how do you really figure out who someone is? It’s not about the grand, sweeping romantic gestures. It’s the little things. The day-to-day habits. Those small, consistent actions are where a man’s true character shines through or the cracks start to show. Here are 15 habits that speak volumes.
He’s Rude to the Waiter
You’ve probably heard of the “Waiter Rule.” It’s the idea that you can tell a lot about a person by how they treat someone who they see as being in a service position. It’s not just a saying; it’s a powerful character test many business leaders use when hiring.
As writer Ted Gioia puts it, “People reveal their true natures when they deal with others who have no power and can never return a favor.” This is more than just bad manners. It shows a lack of empathy and a “situational value system,” meaning his character shifts depending on who he thinks is “important.” Ironically, it’s also a terrible strategy.
He’s a “Conversational Narcissist”
Ever been in a conversation that feels more like a monologue? That’s the signature move of a conversational narcissist. It’s a subtle, yet disconcerting dynamic in which someone perpetually steers the conversation back to their own stories, experiences, and accomplishments.
They aren’t just talkative; they use dialogue as a platform to boost their ego and seek validation. This behavior is rooted in a lack of genuine empathy. They also find it difficult to relate to the feelings of those around them since they tend to be “too absorbed in their own world.” This makes their partner feel unheard, insignificant, and, eventually, emotionally distant.
This isn’t just about being a little self-centered. A healthy relationship requires a mutual exchange of thoughts, feelings, and experiences. A man who treats every conversation like a stage for his own performance reveals a character who is fundamentally unable to see his partner as an equal with her own valid stories and perspectives.
He Constantly Interrupts You
We all interrupt by accident sometimes. But it’s a huge red flag when it becomes a pattern, especially a gendered one. Research from George Washington University found that in a three-minute conversation, men interrupted women an average of 2.1 times. In contrast, they interrupted other men only 1.8 times, and women interrupted men just once.
Men interrupting women mirrors their dominance within the broader culture, meaning they are more “entitled to take the conversational floor”.
When a man constantly talks over his female partner, he’s acting on a deep-seated belief, whether he’s conscious of it or not, that what he has to say is more important. It shows impatience and a profound lack of respect for her as an equal in the conversation.
He Thinks “Parenting” Is “Babysitting”
If you’ve ever heard a man say he’s “babysitting” his own kids, you’ve listened to an attitude that tells you everything you need to know about that man. This language, yet entirely typical, is revealing. Although it is a common language, this is highly indicative of something significant. It portrays his participation as short-term assistance rather than a fundamental duty.
This perspective reinforces outdated stereotypes of the father as just the “breadwinner and disciplinarian,” a notion that ignores the reality of modern families.
A man who sees his time with his children as “babysitting” doesn’t view parenting as a true 50/50 partnership. This mindset is a direct precursor to the unequal division of labor that so often leads to resentment and burnout in relationships. It shows a character that is perfectly fine with letting his partner carry the real weight of parenting while he gets credit for simply showing up.
He Avoids His Share of Chores
This isn’t just about leaving socks on the floor. The data on the division of household labor is stark and reveals a widespread pattern of inequality. The figures show that household work is quite unequally distributed, demonstrating a pervasive trend.
In 2022, a study on gender equity by the Gender Equity Policy Institute reported the finding that women do 2.2 times the amount of household and care work as men do.
This imbalance leads to a “leisure gap,” in which men get around five hours more free time per week than women. This isn’t just a minor annoyance; it’s a primary reason why relationships end. Women initiate most divorces. The top reasons cited? Feeling held back by the marriage and shouldering an unfair share of domestic and emotional burdens.
A man who perpetually dodges doing his part of the chores has a severe lack of respect for his partner’s time and effort. He is engaged in a spiral that is one of the most significant predictors of relationship collapse, not that there is any guarantee it isn’t, one that shows that, right now, his own comfort is of more immediate consequence to him than the health and welfare of his partner or the relationship as a whole.
He Makes You Do All the “Emotional Labor”
Emotional labor is the invisible, often exhausting, work of managing a relationship’s emotional climate. It involves remembering birthdays, planning date nights, initiating tough conversations, and soothing your partner’s stress, even when you have no space for your own.
In many heterosexual relationships, women are still expected to perform the majority of this work. This happens partly because men are often socialized to suppress their feelings. Phrases like “boys don’t cry” can lead to what psychologists call “Normative Male Alexithymia,” a learned difficulty in identifying and expressing emotions.
The impact on a relationship is devastating. The woman is left feeling drained and alone, while the man can lose touch with his authentic self. A man who offloads all emotional work is not being “strong.” He is uncovering a character driven by a terror of vulnerability that makes true intimacy impossible.
He Can’t Genuinely Apologize
There’s a difference between “I’m sorry” and “I’m sorry you feel that way.” The former is taking blame, while the latter is being passive-aggressive with blame. A genuine apology admits to the act, shows genuine remorse, and takes responsibility without justifying.
Why do some men struggle with this? It’s often not about pride, but about a fragile ego. For someone with low self-esteem, admitting a mistake can feel like a “threat to their identity,” triggering intense feelings of shame. Research has even found that people who are less willing to apologize tend to be less self-compassionate.
A man who consistently refuses to offer a genuine apology shows that he values protecting his own ego more than his feelings. This behavior is a stepping stone to gaslighting, as it forces you to question the validity of your own emotions. It reveals a character willing to manipulate your reality to avoid his own discomfort.
He Plays the Victim
A victim mentality is when someone consistently blames others or outside circumstances for their problems, refusing to take personal responsibility. You’ll notice it in patterns of complaining instead of problem-solving, magnifying others’ faults, and minimizing their own.
Psychologically, this is known as a “projection” defence mechanism: the person projects his or her own unwanted feelings or failures onto another. It’s an excuse to shirk responsibility. It is emotionally exhausting to live with a partner with a victim mentality. Your problems cannot be resolved. They cannot be a real partner because they cannot recognize their role in any issue.
The irony is that the person playing the victim is most likely, in reality, the more powerful one in the relationship, except they refuse to acknowledge it. They make their partner walk on eggshells, controlling their emotions and always blaming others. This reveals a manipulative character that uses perceived weakness as a tool for control.
He’s Secretive About Money
“Financial infidelity” is the deliberate concealment of financial information in a relationship where finances are interdependent. And it’s surprisingly common. A 2025 Bankrate survey found that 40% of U.S. adults in committed relationships have kept a financial secret from their partner.
Men are more likely than women to have financial secrets. Everyday deceptions include hiding purchases, secret debt, and undisclosed bank accounts or credit cards. The reasons behind these are complex. They’re often driven by shame over poor money management, a desire for control, or fear of judgment.
This isn’t just about dollars and cents; it’s a profound breach of trust. A man who keeps financial secrets reveals a character not fully committed to the partnership. He’s not operating as part of a team, which undermines the very foundation of the relationship.
He’s Overly Possessive
Possessiveness isn’t a sign of passionate love; it’s a sign of profound fear and insecurity. The signs may be subtle at first, and then they often intensify. They involve rushing the relationship, constantly needing to know where you are, looking through your phone, contacts, or messages, and trying to get rid of your friends and family.
Psychologists often link this behavior to an “anxious attachment” style, which is characterized by a negative self-view and a chronic fear of abandonment or rejection. This is a major red flag for controlling and potentially abusive behavior. A possessive man is not trying to protect you; he is trying to control you to manage his own internal anxieties.
This reveals a character lacking the emotional maturity to handle his insecurities. Instead of doing the internal work to build his self-worth, he tries to find security by limiting his partner’s freedom. A man who cannot “possess himself” will try to possess his partner, creating a toxic and unhealthy dynamic.
He Uses “Jokes” to Put You Down
There’s a big difference between easing and “negging,” after all. If so, you were being the target of negging—a manipulation tactic where someone gives you a half-compliment to rob you of your confidence. This is, for example, when you say, “You’re really smart for a person who didn’t go to college,” or, “That dress looks great – it’s incredible what a little makeup can do”.
The aim is insidious: to leave you feeling insecure and in need of approval and validation from the very person who insulted you. This is a passive-aggressive move, typically the result of the person’s own jealousy and insecurity.
This isn’t just a bad sense of humor; it’s a form of verbal abuse that slowly chips away at your self-esteem. Beyond that, it’s frequently a trial. This person is testing you to see how much disrespect you can take.
Allowing it to slide signals that more overt criticism and control might be tolerable. It’s a character weakness that betrays a desire to hurt you for the miserable purpose of puffing up his own ego.
He Has a “His Money vs. Your Money” Mindset
In a true partnership, finances are a team sport. Now, couples may have different systems, but a mindset that views money as either “his money” or “her money” may indicate poor character.
Financial expert Dave Ramsey advises couples to view their money as “ours,” emphasizing that “you’re on the same team”. Couples who pool their finances and make decisions together have stronger relationships.
When a guy wants to draw a clear line, it’s usually over more than money. As author Suzanne Venker explains, “It’s about trust, or the lack thereof. It’s about teamwork, or the lack thereof”. This attitude may result in a financial double standard in which he expects to spend his money as he wishes but judges your spending.
This habit often reveals a character that isn’t fully committed to the partnership. By keeping finances separate, he’s keeping one foot out the door, subconsciously planning for an exit rather than building a shared future. It undermines the trust and unity that a healthy, long-term relationship requires.
He Handles Rejection Poorly
A lot can be said about someone based on how that person reacts to the word “no.” This isn’t just about big rejections; it also applies to small, everyday interactions. A man who can’t gracefully accept that his partner is not interested in the movie he picked or unavailable for a last-minute plan may have a problem with rejection.
Some people have what psychologists call “rejection sensitivity,” where the rejections they receive on a given day leave them feeling much worse than the rejections others experience. For these folks, just a little “no” prompts a fight or flight reaction—producing dysfunctional responses such as anger, hostility, or the silent treatment.
While it might seem like he’s just being sensitive, a consistently poor reaction to rejection reveals a sense of entitlement. He’s not just disappointed; he’s angry because he believes he was owed a “yes.” This shows a character that doesn’t fully respect his partner’s autonomy and sees her boundaries as an obstacle to what he feels he deserves.
He’s Chronically Unreliable
These things happen — everyone flakes at some point. But chronic unreliability, such as consistent lateness, broken promises, or last-minute cancellations, is a character trait that serves as a red flag. It’s worse than just being a bit lazy and unorganized; it’s a pattern that chips away at the very core of a relationship, trust.
It’s unreliable, making you feel like you never know where your security is, from mild irritations to the most serious negative emotions, like stonewalling. After a while, these small things accumulate and chink away at the general perception that your partnership is robust and that he has your back when it counts.
A man who is consistently unreliable is showing a fundamental lack of respect for his partner’s time and feelings. Furthermore, this behavior is a form of passive control. By creating chaos, he forces his partner to adapt, compensate, and manage the fallout constantly. He may seem flaky, but he’s actually controlling the dynamic of the relationship, revealing a selfish character who is unwilling to be an equal, dependable partner.
He’s Emotionally Closed Off
The “strong, silent type” can initially come off as mysterious and attractive. This is the man who, as columnist Peggy Noonan described, is “silent not because they have nothing to say, but because they don’t have to fill up the air with words”.
However, this persona often masks a deep-seated inability to be vulnerable and emotionally available. But under it is usually a person who has trouble being vulnerable and emotionally open. This silence is often a sign of trying to manage anxiety, a fear of being rejected, or having to do with years of being told that “boys don’t cry”.
This emotional distance makes true intimacy impossible and leaves a partner feeling lonely and shut out. With this sort of man, he’s often attracted to some “damsel in distress” thing. Perhaps, he is drawn to a woman he may see as needing “saving” because he can feel competent and in control, without actually having to do the messy, vulnerable work that is an honest emotional partnership. This reveals a character who requires a power imbalance to feel secure in a relationship, which is a recipe for an unhealthy connection.
Key Takeaway
Spotting poor character isn’t about looking for one big, dramatic flaw. It’s about recognizing consistent patterns of behavior that reveal a lack of respect, empathy, and accountability. A man of good character treats everyone with respect, not just those he wants to impress. He engages in conversations as a partner, not a performer, and values his partner’s voice as much as his own.
A good man understands that a home and a family are shared responsibilities and contributes equally to both the physical and emotional work. He owns up to his mistakes, sincerely apologizes when he is wrong, and is upfront about significant matters like money.
Ultimately, these habits aren’t just about being a good boyfriend or husband. They’re about being a mature, respectful, and emotionally healthy adult. Recognizing these patterns early can save you a lot of heartache and help you build a relationship based on the mutual respect you deserve.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
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