You pick up the phone, hopeful for a warm chat, but instead hear, “I’m just too busy to call”—and the sting lingers long after the line goes dead.
Researchers at Michigan State University, in a 2023 study, found that the level of empathy among college students has declined by 40 percent since the 1980s, suggesting an increase in individualistic tendencies.
The current trend is also supported by statistics from the Pew Research Center, which indicate that while the importance of family relations remains in younger generations, their priorities are more focused on individual success and self-care than in past epochs. It is not only your imagination; it has changed.
This list will help you identify 13 typical expressions that may indicate your adult child is leaning towards selfish behaviors, enabling you to be more knowledgeable and influence the situation accordingly.
“I’m just too busy to call/visit.”
Everyone is busy, but using this line as a polite way out of the situation is a warning signal. The average full-time working adult reported nearly four hours of free time per day, according to a 2022 survey by the American Time Use Survey.
When your adult child can’t find a ten-minute opportunity during this period to make a quick call, it’s not about their schedule but their priorities. Such a phrase often indicates that they do not make time to connect with their family unless it is convenient. It puts the pressure of sustaining the relationship directly on your shoulders.
“Can you just lend me some money until my next paycheck?”
It is one thing to receive financial assistance occasionally. Still, when it becomes a habit, it indicates a lack of foresight and expects you to act as their bailout during a crisis. A 2024 report by Bankrate reveals that almost 61 percent of adults are financially assisting their now-grown children, paying their bills, including rent, student loans, and even food.
Although assistance is usually driven by love, this saying can be used to suggest that they are not working hard to achieve economic independence. It reveals that they view your resources as part of their own and do not consider the effect on your financial well-being.
“You wouldn’t understand, it’s a different world now.”
This expression is a time-honored cliche. It encompasses your life experience and wisdom in a single stroke. It erects a wall and claims that your point of view is outdated and useless simply because you were raised in another era.
A 2024 Gallup Institute poll on the subject of intergenerational communication found that younger adults appreciate advice, but they prefer seeking it from their peers.
By saying this, your child is essentially telling you that your contribution cannot and should not be made, which is a selfish way to end what could be a beneficial conversation.
“I assumed you’d be free to babysit/help me move.”
Planning on your behalf without consulting is a definite indication of entitlement. This means that you do not value your time as highly as they do, and you are always ready to serve them. Such an action does not recognize that you have life, your commitments, and your desires.
It puts your position as a constant pillar of support in perspective, rather than that of an individual with a schedule of his own. This supposition demonstrates a lack of respect for your freedom and time.
“Why do you always have to make it about you?”
This is a typical manipulation strategy of deflection. When you express yourself or show your needs, a selfish person might reverse it and claim that you are the greedy one. It is a way to avoid accepting responsibility for their actions and not acknowledging their feelings.
This comment kills your bid to communicate directly with each other and makes you doubt the validity of your own emotions. It is a good strategy for them to stay in the middle stage of focus consistently.
“I’ll pay you back when I can.”
Such an empty promise can be a good indicator that repayment is not a priority. Although they may have good intentions, not having a definite plan or schedule suggests that they lack a strong sense of obligation.
Research on intra-family borrowing reported that not all intra-family loans are fully repaid. By using this phrase, they can enjoy the generosity of your benevolence, but not to make them responsible, as would have been the case with an actual loan, and so the terms in this case would be conveniently malleable to them.
“That’s just how I am; you need to accept it.”
This is a total rejection of growing or compromising. It is a licence to be thoughtless to you, and you have to learn to live with what you are given, rather than the other person making the effort to improve themselves.
It implies that they have no desire to change, even when their actions cause pain or are ineffective. This attitude is the opposite of the give-and-take that is necessary in any healthy relationship. It is essentially saying, ‘I am more comfortable than you are.’
“It’s not my fault that…”
An unconscious unwillingness to be responsible is a typical element of selfishness. They make themselves a perennial victim when they attribute their problems to the external environment or other individuals.
This prevents them from learn through their errors, and this puts a burden on the rest to solve their problems. This statement expresses irresponsibility, which is a characteristic of adult relationships. It puts them into a dependency loop where a person is always expected to have something that goes wrong fixed.
“I forgot.”
Although everyone is forgetful at some point, consistently forgetting essential dates like birthdays, anniversaries, or planned events indicates that they do not consider them significant. It demonstrates thoughtlessness and carelessness.
When something is essential, people take the time to recall it. A common way to express, ‘I was thinking of myself and my own priorities, and you were not on the list,’ is to say, ‘I forgot.’
“You owe me because…”
This expression has its basis in transactional perception of love and family. It implies that you were not grateful for their support in the past, and they might hold it against you now. This attitude is highly manipulative, whether they believe you owe them for a challenging childhood that they suffered, or they are the ones who are suffering in some way.
Good family relations are grounded in shared love and support, not on a compendium of favors. Such thinking makes the relationship a scorecard, as they are always trying to emerge as the winner.
According to sociological research, transactional perceptions of family requirements, which involve using relationships as scorecards, are closely linked to reduced family cohesion and high perceptions of estrangement. These perceptions affect approximately 35% of families experiencing a current argument.
“I need you to listen to me right now.”
When you want me to give you my full and uninterrupted attention, regardless of what I may be doing, it indicates that you do not respect my time and emotional resources. This means that their needs are more urgent than yours.
Everyone has to get their own side out, whereas a selfish individual will keep talking without giving you the same right in return. This is a dead-end street of emotional support that can be exceptionally exhausting and is a reliable indicator of a selfish worldview.
“Could you just do this one thing for me?”
A list of the past demands frequently precedes this sentence. It is a strategy to reduce demand and make you feel unreasonable about rejecting it. It frames the request as something minor and unimportant, even though it may require an enormous amount of time or effort on your part.
Someone selfish will keep pushing the walls of your limits, asking you to make one more request over and over until you are totally bombarded. It is a kind of manipulation that is very unobtrusive.
Silence as a response
It is not a phrase that is sometimes the most selfish thing to say. Passive aggression is not picking up your calls or texts, nor making any effort to discuss a serious problem. It is a form of power game, a type of silent treatment that they impose to penalize you because you have raised a topic that they would rather not address.
It puts you into anxiety and uncertainty as they control you. It is a complete closure of communication, demonstrating that they prioritize their comfort over conflict resolution and the preservation of the relationship.
Key takeaway
Identifying these phrases is the initial step toward developing a more balanced and respectful relationship with your adult child. It is not a question of blame, but instead finding ways to identify self-centered behavior that may be harmful in the long run and understanding the patterns. It is essential to set boundaries, promote financial independence, and express your own needs. A good parent-child relationship during adulthood is a two-way street, founded on mutual respect, empathy, and effort.
When you feel lost in these dialogues, you can have the assistance of a family therapist to offer you tools and methods to help you and your child develop a healthier relationship. It is an investment in a lifetime relationship.
Disclaimer–This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
Don’t swipe until you read this: The 7 best credit cards for 2025 ranked by rewards
The 7 Best Credit Cards for 2025 Ranked by Rewards
There’s this moment that sticks with me—standing at a checkout line, swiping my old card like I always did, and thinking, “Wait… why am I not getting anything back for this?” I wasn’t traveling on points. I wasn’t getting cash back. I was spending. Sound familiar?
Look, the truth is, credit cards can work for you—if you choose the right one. And in 2025, you’ve got some advantageous options that can actually boost your bank account. From travel lovers to grocery haulers, there’s something for everyone.
Let’s break down the best credit cards out there this year—the ones that actually give back.
16 grocery staples to stock up on before prices spike again
16 Grocery Staples to Stock Up On Before Prices Spike Again
I was in the grocery store the other day, and it hit me—I’m buying the same things I always do, but my bill keeps getting higher. Like, I swear I just blinked, and suddenly eggs are a luxury item. What’s going on?
Inflation, supply-chain delays, and erratic weather conditions have modestly (or, let’s face it, dramatically) pushed the prices of staples ever higher. The USDA reports that food prices climbed an additional 2.9% year over year in May 2025—and that’s after the inflation storm of 2022–2023.
So, if you’ve got room in a pantry, freezer, or even a couple of extra shelves, now might be a good moment to stock up on these staple groceries—before the prices rise later.
