Parenting is a journey full of learning and growth, not just for kids but for parents too. And while it’s easy to make mistakes along the way, knowing what to avoid can lead to a stronger relationship and a more emotionally healthy child.
All parents want a strong, loving, and lasting relationship with their kids. This is the bedrock of a child’s confidence, emotional health, and overall happiness. Building this requires effort, intentionality, and self-awareness.
A journal entry in the Journal of Marriage and Family found that healthy parent-child relationships are associated with improved school performance and fewer behavioral problems.
However, even with the best of intentions, parents can inadvertently create distance and destroy trust through certain behaviors. These errors often stem from outdated habits, unresolved stress, or a lack of awareness about a more effective approach.
Being aware of these tendencies is the first step toward a more conscious and loving parenting style. Here are 13 common mistakes parents can make that can harm their relationship with their children and explore how to foster a healthier connection instead.
Being a Fixer Instead of a Listener
When a child comes to you with a problem, the urge is to jump in and solve it for them. We want to protect them from pain and suffering. But if we jump in too fast with solutions or invalidate their feelings (“Don’t worry about it”), we are telling them that their feelings aren’t okay or that we don’t trust them to solve their own issues.
This is a bad habit that robs children of the capacity to develop critical thinking and emotional toughness. Over time, they will cease bringing their problems to you and instead rely on you to fix them or minimize their impact.
Instead, listen attentively. Pay them full attention, validate their emotions with comments like, “That sounds really tough,” and then ask, “What do you think you could do?” This empowers them and shows that you’re a sounding board and not a fixer.
Saying “Because I Said So”
This veteran standby of child-rearing is most often used out of frustration or expediency. While compliance may be achieved in the short term, it stifles discussion and teaches children that authority is arbitrary.
It tells them that their questions and opinions are irrelevant, and this can engender resentment and lead them to cease critical thinking. A more effective approach is to give a straightforward, age-appropriate explanation for your rules.
For example, instead of answering, “Because I said so,” you could say, “You need to finish your homework first so we can get our work done before we can have fun.”
Children understand this; they learn about values like responsibility and respect, and their growing need to know why. It converts a power struggle into learning time.
Comparing Them to Siblings or Others
Comparing a child to another, such as a sibling, cousin, or friend, is extremely damaging. Making statements such as, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” or “Your friend got a better grade” introduces an atmosphere of rivalry, insecurity, and resentment.
It reminds a child that your love and approval are dependent on conditions and that they are not good enough as they are. This behavior can lead to lifelong harm to a child’s self-concept and can permanently damage sibling relationships.
Discuss each child’s individual strengths, achievements, and uniqueness. Recognize their own successes and not compare with others.
Dismissing Their Feelings
When a child is upset, it is easy to dismiss the feelings as an overreaction. Telling them “You’re fine,” “Stop crying,” or “It’s not a big deal” lets them know that their emotions are wrong or unimportant.
This can cause children to internalize their feelings or learn that they cannot trust their own emotional responses. Emotional validation is a foundation stone of a secure relationship.
You do not agree with the behavior, but you validate the underlying emotion. Work on using statements such as, “I can see you’re feeling really angry that we have to leave the park,” or “It’s okay to be upset that your friend could not come over.”
This helps them understand their feelings and hear themselves, which is the beginning of learning how to handle them in a healthy manner.
Over-Praising and Empty Praise
Praise is okay, but persistent or insipid praise is really bad. If you give the same “You’re so smart!” compliment every time a child does something little, the compliment is watered down.
It can also create “praise junkies” who require external praise to feel a sense of self-worth and may shirk challenges because they cannot earn more praise. Instead of saying “You’re a genius.” Say something like, “I’m so impressed that you persevered at that math problem. I can see that you tried really hard with it.”
This is a technique called eliciting a “growth mindset.” It teaches children that their abilities can be developed through effort and persistence. It teaches resilience and a love of learning.
Not Apologizing for Your Mistakes
Parents are not perfect and make mistakes. Screaming in frustration, a bad judgment call, or unfairness happens. A horrible mistake is not apologizing when these situations happen.
When parents act as if they are always right, it fosters a culture of fear and teaches children that it’s not okay to take responsibility for their mistakes. A sincere apology is a fine way to set an example of humility, respect, and accountability.
Sincere statements such as, “I’m sorry I yelled. I was angry, but it wasn’t right of me to yell at you,” do not undermine your authority. It strengthens the relationship because it shows that you respect your child enough to apologize when you’ve made a mistake. This builds trust and teaches them a valuable life lesson.
Inconsistency with Rules and Discipline
When rules and consequences constantly shift, it results in confusion and anxiety for children. They have no idea what to expect, and it can feel like the world is unpredictable.
Consistency often breaks down when parents are tired or when they give in to whining, unintentionally reinforcing the idea that rules are bendable if the child whines hard enough.
Consistency is the key to effective discipline. Consistency makes the child aware of limits and feel secure. Sit down with your partner and come to an agreement about a few important household rules and the natural consequences for breaking them.
Then stick to enforcing them every time. This provides the structure that children need in order to thrive and develop self-control.
Over-scheduling Their Lives
In an attempt to provide all possible opportunities, parents pack children’s lives with sports, lessons, and other structured activities. While these can be well worth the investment, an over-scheduled child has no spare moment for the free, unstructured playtime required for growth.
It is in this time of downtime that children learn to think creatively, think for themselves, and amuse themselves. An overly packed schedule can also lead to burnout and anxiety for both children and parents, leaving little time for simple family connection.
Make sure to protect downtime in your family’s schedule. Allow your children to be bored sometimes; it’s often the spark for their greatest adventures and most creative ideas.
Fighting in Front of Them
Partner fighting is unavoidable, but frequent or violent arguing in front of the children can be deeply hurtful. It creates a home environment that is unstable and frightening for the children.
Children internalize such arguments, blaming themselves or being anxious and insecure. It is advisable to resolve conflicts respectfully and in secrecy. If the conflict occurs in front of the children, allow them to witness you resolving it as well.
Let them witness the apology and the reconciliation. This instructs them that it is acceptable to disagree with someone you care about and then reunite in a wholesome way.
Breaking Promises
To a child, a promise is a sacred duty. In case it’s the promise to bring them to the park after naptime or to attend their school play, going back on it seems like a monumental betrayal.
Things get planned and sometimes circumstances arise, but consistently reneging on promises disabuses the child of the idea that your word is good. Promise only occasionally and keep promises in the highest esteem.
If you absolutely cannot keep a promise, apologize directly and honestly, and then devise a concrete plan to rectify the situation. Keeping your child’s trust in you is perhaps one of the most valuable investments you can make in your relationship.
Lecturing Instead of Talking
When a child has done something wrong, leaping into a lengthy lecture is usually ineffective. They will tune in only for the first couple of sentences, and the lesson gets lost.
Lecturing is a one-way communication that tends to sound condemning and fails to convey the lesson effectively. Instead of lecturing, aim for a brief and polite exchange. Put “I” statements in front of your feelings and ask open-ended questions to find out what they might be experiencing.
For instance, instead of a 10-minute lecture on lying, you could say, “I was hurt when I discovered you were lying to me. What happened?” This leaves the door open to a real conversation.
Ignoring Their Attempts at Connection
Children issue small “bids” for connection every day. Maybe it’s a “Watch this!” while they jump from a step, and they want to tell you about a bug they just saw, or to show you, their picture.
When we continually ignore these bids because we are busy or stuck on our phones, they become aware that we are not present with them. You don’t have to leave whatever you’re doing for every last request.
But taking the effort to respond to them, even if all you can do is say, “That’s wonderful! Give me two minutes to finish with this email and I’ll be there in a flash.”—makes them feel they are valued.
Not Allowing for Natural Consequences
Constantly rescuing children from the consequences of their actions is a common mistake. When a child forgets their homework, getting it in for them quickly teaches them they don’t need to be held responsible.
Shielding them from failure or disappointment prevents them from learning valuable life lessons. Allowing natural consequences to occur is one of the best teaching tools. Getting a lower grade for forgotten homework or apologizing to a friend for being cruel are lessons that are responsible and character-building. It’s not about preventing it from ever happening, but about guiding them through it.
Key Takeaways
Building a solid relationship with your children is a continuous process of learning and development.
Connection comes before correction. A child is more apt to listen when they feel heard, seen, and emotionally connected to you.
Mindful communication is the key. Replacing lectures with conversations, validating feelings, and genuine apologies establishes a relationship of respect and trust.
Empowerment fosters resilience. Allow children to solve their own problems, learn from their mistakes, and experience natural consequences.
Parenting is practice, not perfection. The aim isn’t to be a perfect parent but to be present, considerate, and loving, and willing to learn and grow with your child.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
16 Grocery Staples to Stock Up On Before Prices Spike Again
16 Grocery Staples to Stock Up On Before Prices Spike Again
I was in the grocery store the other day, and it hit me—I’m buying the same things I always do, but my bill keeps getting higher. Like, I swear I just blinked, and suddenly eggs are a luxury item. What’s going on?
Inflation, supply-chain delays, and erratic weather conditions have modestly (or, let’s face it, dramatically) pushed the prices of staples ever higher. The USDA reports that food prices climbed an additional 2.9% year over year in May 2025—and that’s after the inflation storm of 2022–2023.
So, if you’ve got room in a pantry, freezer, or even a couple of extra shelves, now might be a good moment to stock up on these staple groceries—before the prices rise later.
6 Gas Station Chains With Food So Good It’s Worth Driving Out Of Your Way For
6 Gas Station Chains With Food So Good It’s Worth Driving Out Of Your Way For
We scoured the Internet to see what people had to say about gas station food. If you think the only things available are wrinkled hot dogs of indeterminate age and day-glow slushies, we’ve got great, tasty news for you. Whether it becomes part of a routine or your only resource on a long car trip, we have the food information you need.
Let’s look at six gas stations that folks can’t get enough of and see what they have to offer for you to eat.
