Marriage is often shown as a fairytale where two people come together and live happily ever after. But real life is different. If you’re married or considering marriage, be prepared; some truths can be harsh to face.
Sometimes, these truths are even more complex than a bad first date. Marriage is complicated and often doesn’t match the fairytale image. Experts have long known that the early years of marriage aren’t always what people expect.
A recent survey by the Pew Research Center found that 40% of married couples report that their relationship has faced significant challenges, yet only 25% seek professional help. This gap reveals that many people overlook the genuine difficulties of marriage until it’s nearly too late.
Here are 15 essential truths about marriage that most people only learn after they’re already married. These insights are based on research, advice, and experiences. Whether you’re married, engaged, or want to avoid common mistakes, keep reading. This could help you avoid a lot of pain.
Marriage Isn’t Always 50/50, And That’s Okay
At first, you may believe that you’ll always work together in equal measure, splitting tasks and responsibilities evenly. But that’s not necessarily how the real world works. You may find that one of you is more engaged in emotional labor, or perhaps the other is concerned about finances.
Either way, balance shifts, and sometimes, even in ways that can’t be balanced out later. A 2023 study by the Psychology of Relationships reported that couples tend to have an inflated sense of their contributions to the household. Within the household, this illusion can lead to resentment.
The best marriages tend to be more about adjusting to the inevitable imbalance, sharing the work, and communicating than they are about splitting work evenly.” Instead, accept that sometimes the work can be uneven.
It doesn’t mean your marriage is in jeopardy; it just means you are learning each other’s style of working together in pretty imperfect ways.
You’ll Change, a Lot
Think you’ve found your “forever” self with your partner? Get ready for reality, both of you will change, and often in significant ways. Marriage is full of change.
What you admired in the early years of your relationship might be completely different ten years later. A 2022 National Marriage Project study concluded that couples often underestimate the extent to which they change for the sake of their marriage.
They learned that personal growth, whether due to career changes, personal goals, or personality development, can strain relationships if not discussed openly and clearly. “It’s essential to keep talking about your changes and be adaptable,” says Dr. David Greenfield, marriage dynamics expert and psychologist.
If you view change as a regular part of life and respect it instead of fearing it, you’ll both handle these changes more effectively.
Intimacy Takes Work
The honeymoon phase is characterized by excitement and intense chemistry. But after a few years, staying close, both emotionally and physically, takes more effort than you might expect. It’s not just about bedroom moments; it’s about feeling emotionally present, available, and in touch on mundane days.
In a 2022 American Psychological Association survey, over 60% of married couples reported that physical closeness declined with the passing years. Relationship therapist Dr. Samantha Lee suggests, “When intimacy begins to wane, it’s usually a sign that couples have lost touch with their emotional connection.
Rebuilding that closeness will require time, patience, and intention.” Don’t just wish for intimacy. Make intimacy a priority and continue to work on your connection, even when life gets busy.
Money Will Be a Constant Source of Tension
Money is a common source of arguments in marriage. Whether it’s spending, saving, or managing debt, these issues often arise. What matters most is how well your financial values and goals match.
The Financial Planning Association found that 40% of couples argue about money at least once a month. Finances are one of the most common reasons couples cite for getting divorced. “When couples are not on the same page, or worse, won’t even discuss it, they’re taking themselves down a troubled road.”
Talk openly with your spouse about money and continue those conversations.
You Can’t Always “Fix” Each Other
When you get married, you might feel responsible for helping your spouse improve in different areas. However, the truth is that you can’t always change your partner. Trying to do so may lead to burnout, frustration, and resentment. Marriage is not about playing fixer or therapist.
It’s about standing by each other. A study by The Journal of Marriage and Family indicated that couples who possess the “fixer” attitude are at greater risk of divorce. “In healthy marriages, couples are interested in growing together rather than trying to fix each other,” states psychologist Dr. John Wilkerson.
Marriage means accepting each other’s flaws and supporting each other’s growth. Instead of trying to change your partner, give each other space to grow and develop.
You Will Likely Fight More Than You Realize
Many people think of the “perfect” marriage as a relationship that lacks disagreement and where communication is superb. The truth is that all good marriages have disagreements, even if the couple communicates well.
In many cases, misunderstandings and disagreements can strengthen a relationship when handled correctly. A 2023 National Institutes of Health study indicates that relationships where couples display respectful and healthy disagreements tend to last the longest!
Dr. Gary Smiley, a notable marriage researcher, indicates, “Fighting does not have to be, ‘destructive’. The key is how you fight, listen, calm it down, and find solutions.” So, don’t sweat the small stuff, but always show that you are listening to each other respectfully when there is a disagreement.
Compromise Isn’t Always Fair
It’s often said that the key to a happy marriage is compromise. Compromise isn’t always fair, though. Sometimes, one person compromises more than the other, and this can lead to feelings of resentment.
According to a survey by the Gottman Institute, 55% of couples believe that one partner has to make more compromises than the other. “Fairness is not always the aim,” explains Dr. Julie Henderson, a marriage therapist.
“Marriage is about making things work for two people, even if it looks different. Focus on making sure both partners are happy and it’s not just about being fair.”
You’ll Need Space (And It’s Healthy)
Every marriage needs both intimacy and distance. Relationships flourish when partners spend time apart, but some individuals assume distance signals a problem.
According to the American Psychological Association, 70% of married couples who regularly spend time apart to pursue personal interests or spend time with friends report increased relationship satisfaction and a stronger connection to their partners.
Couples, as Dr. John Gottman, a well-known relationship psychologist, articulates, require the freedom to develop as individuals, which is a gift to the marriage. Space is a sign of a dwindling connection; rather, it is essential for preserving love and connection while fostering personal space.
The equilibrium helps avoid burnout, resentment, and emotional fatigue in long-term relationships.
You’ll Have to Keep Dating Your Partner
After the wedding, daily life can make it easy to forget about romance. But happy couples make time for date nights, small gestures, and laughter. Don’t just fall into a routine; work to keep the romance alive.
A study in The Journal of Marriage and Family found that couples who regularly practice date nights are more satisfied and closer. Couples counselor Dr. Rebecca Collins says, “Romance isn’t reserved for the beginning of the relationship. To keep the flame burning, you’ve got to keep chasing each other, even after years.”
Plan date nights, surprise each other with little things, and don’t let work or other commitments stop you from spending time together.
Parenting Will Change Your Relationship
If you believe kids will be easy, think again. Parenting can change your relationship in ways that you might not have expected. Kids can bring about everything from sleepless nights to new parenting challenges, in addition to surprises you’re not yet prepared for.
The most important piece of advice she offers is to prioritize your time together and discuss your needs. Parenthood isn’t just a new stage; it’s also a new chapter, and it means that both partners must make some adjustments.
The American Psychological Association found that 67% of parents reported declines in marital satisfaction after having children. Dr. Anne M. Weber, a family psychologist, said, “Parenthood comes with stresses, and stress can pull at marital relationships.”
Your Love Language Can Change Over Time
When you first got married, you probably knew how you and your spouse showed love, maybe through words, gifts, acts of service, or touch. But over time, your love languages can change, often without you noticing.
In 2022, a study published in The Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that 52% of couples reported a shift in their perception of being loved after getting married. Relationship coach Dr. Carla Miller says, “As life changes, so do your needs.
Paying attention to how your love languages change can help you stay connected. Keep sharing how you want to be loved, and be willing to adapt as you both grow.
Communication Isn’t Talking
Most people associate communication in a marriage with only talking, when in reality, it encompasses much more. It refers to empathy and advanced problem-solving skills that help toward growth and support for one another.
As noted by the National Communication Association, 65% of married couples report a systematic breakdown in communication due to some form of misunderstanding or assumption. Just talking or having a conversation is required, but only when it involves understanding and hearing out the partner’s emotions, thoughts, and needs.
Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman, a foremost authority on relationships, states that couples who practice what she terms “active listening,” where both partners pay undivided attention to one another, have a 50% better chance of having a stable and long-lasting relationship.
Effective communication or good communication takes more than just saying what is on one’s mind. It is essential to consider that both individuals in a relationship need to have their voices, including their thoughts and feelings, acknowledged to have a strong relationship.
As stated by communication expert Dr. Linda Harris, “Marriage isn’t about getting your point across; it’s about hearing your spouse and seeing things from their viewpoint.” It is also good to note that, in addition to listening and paying attention to what your spouse is saying, you should speak to them in a kind and considerate manner.
Your In-Laws Will Always Be a Factor
It’s a common misconception that people hold: marriage is only about you and your adult partner. Families are always part of the relationship equation, whether it’s during the holidays or due to personal disagreements with a partner’s parents or siblings. In this role, in-laws can be a source of extra stress.
A 2023 report from Pew Research has found that approximately 25% of marriages in the United States are negatively affected by in-law relationships.
Dr. Rachel Hall is a family therapist who commented on a couple of reasons why in-law dynamics put a strain on marriage: “It’s important to establish boundaries and maintain some separation from the complexity of family relationships. (Your spouse needs to feel validated and supported, ultimately, that any decision made was a mutual decision.) Communicate respectfully.” In this family or member-pushed situation.
There Will Be Bumps in the Road, But It’s Not Always a Dealbreaker
Marriage can feel like a rollercoaster, with both happy moments and challenging times. That’s normal. The hard times don’t define your whole relationship, and sometimes they even make it stronger.
As family counselor Dr. William Thompson would say, “The bumps in the road help you grow. It’s how you respond to them that matters.” Riding out difficulties as a couple will build a bond stronger than you ever thought possible.
Happiness in Marriage is a Choice, Not Given
Ultimately, the most difficult truth about marriage is that happiness is a conscious choice. Many people believe happiness is found in marriage, but it doesn’t always happen. Happiness is a daily ritual you share together.
The American Institute of Marriage noted that couples who work on their marriage are 43% more satisfied with it. Dr. Olivia Roberts, psychologist, says, “Happiness isn’t just automatic. Happiness is created with shared experiences, mutual respect and lots of patience.”
Work at happiness every day, even when it is difficult. That is the secret to a happy marriage.
Key Takeaways
Marriage doesn’t always mean a perfect 50/50 balance. It is an emotional connection that requires emotional effort, good communication, and flexibility. You will likely face challenges such as financial struggles, disagreements over parenting, changes in intimacy, and the development of each person’s individuality.
Keep in mind, compromise won’t always feel fair. Focus on your emotional connection rather than striving for emotional perfection, and keep romance alive with a small token of your love and kindness. Recognize that changes are inevitable; provide space for one another, and remember that both you and your partner are constantly evolving.
Keep talking with each other, especially when life is getting in the way, and do not be scared to be reasonable in your argument. You will have the tools necessary to prepare yourself for the real journey of marriage, not just the fairy tale.
Learning these truths now will help you face whatever life throws your way. Marriage is challenging; however, it’s worth the effort if you’re willing to put in the work.
Disclaimer: This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
6 Gas Station Chains With Food So Good It’s Worth Driving Out Of Your Way For
6 Gas Station Chains With Food So Good It’s Worth Driving Out Of Your Way For
We scoured the Internet to see what people had to say about gas station food. If you think the only things available are wrinkled hot dogs of indeterminate age and day-glow slushies, we’ve got great, tasty news for you. Whether it ends up being part of a regular routine or your only resource on a long car trip, we have the food info you need.
Let’s look at 6 gas stations that folks can’t get enough of and see what they have for you to eat.
16 Grocery Staples to Stock Up On Before Prices Spike Again
16 Grocery Staples to Stock Up On Before Prices Spike Again
I was in the grocery store the other day, and it hit me—I’m buying the exact same things I always do, but my bill just keeps getting higher. Like, I swear I just blinked, and suddenly eggs are a luxury item. What’s going on?
Inflation, supply-chain delays, and erratic weather conditions have modestly (or, let’s face it, dramatically) pushed the prices of staples ever higher. The USDA reports that food prices climbed an additional 2.9% year over year in May 2025—and that’s after the inflation storm of 2022–2023.
So, if you’ve got room in a pantry, freezer, or even a couple of extra shelves, now might be a good moment to stock up on these staple groceries—before the prices rise later.
