Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head, cringing at something you said? If you feel like social situations have gotten a little… weirder lately, you’re onto something. A study published by the NIH shows that Social Anxiety Disorder (SAD) already affects a staggering 15 million American adults, which is about 7.1% of the population.
But the feeling is getting more common for everyone. A 2024 poll from the American Psychiatric Association found that 43% of adults say they feel more anxious than they did the previous year. That’s a steady climb from 37% in 2023 and 32% in 2022. After years of pandemic-related isolation, our social skills have gotten rusty.
So, what happens when we’re out of practice and feeling anxious? We fall back on verbal crutches. Let’s break down the 16 things we say when that feeling takes over.
“Sorry” for existing
You find yourself apologizing for things that aren’t your fault, like asking a question or having an opinion. It’s that reflexive “sorry” when someone else bumps into you.
This isn’t just being polite. It’s often a symptom of social anxiety or low self-esteem, where you feel like you’re a burden on others.
Psychologists say over-apologizing is a way to manage the anxiety of a potential conflict. It’s a “fawning” response where you take the blame to feel safe. But this habit can backfire, reinforcing the idea that you’re always at fault and slowly chipping away at your self-confidence.
“This might sound stupid, but…”
You have a perfectly good idea, but you cushion it with a disclaimer first. It’s like asking people to lower their expectations before you’ve even shared your thought.
This is a classic defense mechanism called “preemptive self-deprecation”. It comes from a deep fear of being judged. By calling your own idea “stupid,” you beat any potential critics to the punch.
But be careful. If you signal your words aren’t valuable, people may treat them that way”. This habit is a direct verbal reaction to the core fear in social anxiety: being negatively judged by others.
“Does that make sense?”
You’ve just finished explaining something, and you immediately ask for validation. You’re not just checking if they understood the information; you’re checking if you did an okay job.
While it seems helpful, this question often signals a lack of confidence. Communication experts like Jay Sullivan warn that such a phrase can make you sound weak or unsure of yourself. It’s a subtle form of reassurance-seeking to calm your own anxiety.
This is a perfect example of the “liking gap”—a psychological phenomenon where we consistently underestimate how much other people like us. You’re not just asking, “Did you get it?” You’re subconsciously asking, “Are we still good?”
“Just kidding”
You say something a little too honest, a little too sharp, and then immediately try to take it back with “just kidding.” It’s a verbal escape hatch.
This phrase is often used to say something mean without having to own up to it. It’s a passive-aggressive way to voice a criticism and then blame the other person for “not being able to take a joke” if they get upset.
It’s a breakdown in real communication. Organizational psychologist Adam Grant says true authenticity isn’t about being unfiltered; it’s about being genuine without being a jerk. Using “just kidding” as a shield is the opposite—it’s communication designed to protect you at someone else’s expense.
“Uh… so… yeah.”
You finish what you’re saying, but don’t know how to land the plane, so you just trail off with filler words. It’s the verbal equivalent of a slow, awkward fade-out.
These are called “filled pauses,” and we use them when our brain is trying to catch up with our mouth. Our brains think at a blazing 400 words per minute, but we can only speak at around 125-150.
Fillers bridge that gap. While a few can make you sound more natural, using them too much can make you seem unprepared or unconfident to listeners. In a world where we’re all feeling more anxious, our brains are working overtime, which might make us lean on these placeholders even more.
“I’m so bad at small talk.”
You’re at a party or a networking event, and you announce your own incompetence before the conversation even gets going. It’s a way to manage everyone’s expectations, including your own.
This is a straightforward admission of social discomfort. By labeling yourself “bad” at something, you give yourself an out for any awkwardness that follows.
This feeling taps into a bigger trend. A 2023 CivicScience survey found that only 43% of American adults hang out with friends in person on a weekly basis, and 16% rarely or never do. Of course, we feel “bad” at small talk—we’re getting a lot less practice.
“You probably don’t care, but…”
You want to share something, but you start by assuming the other person is already bored. You’re disqualifying your own story before it even begins.
This is a form of self-sabotage that comes from a “mind-reading bias”. You’re projecting your own insecurities onto the other person, forcing them to say, “No, no, tell me!”
It’s a defense against the fear of rejection, a cornerstone of social anxiety. With 21% of U.S. adults reporting they feel lonely according to a 2022 research from Statista Research Department, this phrase, meant to protect you from disconnection, can ironically create it.
The over-explanation
Someone asks a simple question, and you give them a five-minute monologue. You can’t just say “no” to an invitation; you have to provide a detailed itinerary of your conflicting plans.
This is a classic trauma response, often linked to a people-pleasing or “fawn” survival strategy. Dr. Caroline Leaf, a communication pathologist, explains that it can stem from childhood experiences where you were often made to feel at fault, so you learned that over-explaining everything was the only way to feel safe.
This isn’t just being chatty. It’s a deep-seated attempt to manage the other person’s feelings to avoid being judged.
“Anyway…” (With a hard subject change)
The conversation hits a lull, and you panic, abruptly changing the topic with a sharp “Anyway…” It’s the conversational eject button.
This is known as a “conversational block”. It signals your own anxiety and desire to escape the current topic or the silence. The abruptness makes your discomfort obvious and can make the whole interaction feel jarring.
Our social scripts are rusty after the pandemic. We’ve forgotten how to gracefully navigate the natural pauses in a conversation. This awkward pivot is a sign of atrophied social muscles.
“Am I being weird?”
You make an offbeat joke or share a niche hobby, and you immediately second-guess yourself out loud. This is a direct plea for reassurance, driven by the fear of making a bad impression. By calling yourself “weird” first, you take away anyone else’s power to do so.
This question gets at our fundamental need to belong. Researcher Brené Brown has shown that true connection requires the courage to be vulnerable and imperfect.
Asking “Am I being weird?” is that vulnerable desire for connection crashing head-on into the fear that your true self isn’t good enough for it.
“Never mind”
You start to say something, but you sense a (real or imagined) lack of interest from the other person, so you just shut it down. This is a “withdrawal cue”. It’s one of the most self-defeating phrases because it tells everyone, including yourself, that your thoughts aren’t valuable.
This is another side effect of the “liking gap”. You misread the room, assume the worst, and retreat to avoid the sting of rejection.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy: your fear of being boring causes you to withdraw, which is way less interesting than just finishing your story.
“I don’t know”
You’re asked for an opinion—on a movie, a restaurant, anything—and your go-to answer is a non-committal “I don’t know.”
This phrase is often used as a “security blanket” to avoid the risk of saying the “wrong” thing. It feels safer to have no opinion than to have one that might be judged or criticized. The fear of being wrong is a huge driver of social anxiety.
In a world of online hot takes and instant judgment, the non-committal “I don’t know” has become a defense mechanism for real-life conversations.
“Sorry if I’m annoying”
You need to ask a follow-up question, and you start by apologizing for your very existence. This phrase comes from the core belief that your needs are a burden to others. It’s an apology for simply taking up space, time, or attention.
This feeling is especially prevalent among young adults, a group that has seen anxiety rates soar. A study published in the NIH found that between 2008 and 2018, anxiety among 18- to 25-year-olds nearly doubled, jumping from 7.97% to 14.66%.
This generation, feeling more anxious, is more likely to feel that their basic need for clarity is an imposition.
“That reminds me of me…”
Someone is sharing a story, and before they’re even done, you jump in to relate it back to your own life.
While we do this to find common ground, jumping in too quickly can come off as conversational hijacking. It’s often driven by an anxious urge to prove you belong in the conversation.
It comes down to a simple truth from Stephen R. Covey: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply“. In our disconnected world, the skill of just listening is becoming rare—and more valuable than ever.
“I forgot what I was going to say”
You’re mid-sentence, and your mind just goes completely blank.
This is a very real physiological response to anxiety. When you’re nervous, your body’s “fight or flight” system can kick in, pulling resources away from things like memory recall. You’re so busy monitoring yourself that you literally lose your train of thought.
Social anxiety isn’t just a feeling; it’s a full-body experience that can include a racing heart, sweating, and trembling. This phrase is just an outward sign of that internal system overload.
“Well, I should let you go”
You want to end the conversation, but saying “I have to go” feels too direct, so you frame it as a favor to them.
This is a classic people-pleasing exit strategy. It’s an indirect way to end an interaction without risking the other person’s disapproval.
This phrase perfectly captures the central conflict of social awkwardness: a deep desire for connection paired with an intense fear of the actual mechanics of social interaction. It’s a final, awkward attempt to be polite, even if it means being a little less honest.
Key takeaway
If you recognized yourself in these phrases, take a deep breath. You’re in good company. These are common verbal symptoms of a much bigger trend of rising social anxiety and loneliness in America. They are defense mechanisms against a deep fear of not being liked or accepted—a fear that’s getting stronger in a world where we have less practice and more pressure in our social lives.
Understanding the “why” behind these words isn’t about beating yourself up. It’s about having some self-compassion. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward letting go of the fear, embracing a little imperfection, and building the genuine connections we all need.
Disclaimer – This list is solely the author’s opinion based on research and publicly available information. It is not intended to be professional advice.
Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.
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