Whether you call it wind or flatulence, we all fart. And when you think about that, it is curious how alternately, or sometimes simultaneously, it can be hilarious and/or horrifying.
So much so that it is hard for us to say the word. Fart. Wind…sure they make their way into our conversations, but we became aware that the concept of farting was a popular one for putting one’s own spin on the nomenclature.
WARNING: If you are easily offended, this article might not be for you.
Farting Is Serious Business – And Humorous, Too
We reached out to our community and compiled a list of words that folks use for farts or the act of farting.
As a bonus, we have some phrases and mini stories about farting we know you will enjoy.
Because deep-down, we all act like little kids when we smell or hear a fart. And we think there is nothing wrong with that, as long as you realize there is nothing to be ashamed of. Laughter is great medicine, except maybe if it makes you fart – actually, even when it makes you fart! Enjoy!
Air Biscuits, Barking Couch Frogs, Fluffers…
- Air biscuit, A Lizzy Borden (kills the whole family), A tiger in the tank (when sitting on the toilet), Ass blasters, Asswind
- Band practice, Barking couch frogs, Barking spiders, Barking squirrels, Bassoon tuning, Bits of dignity escaping, Bomb cyclone, Booty tooty, Bottom burp, Bum kiss
- Carpet frog, Carpet slippers (for quiet ones), Contraceptive spray
- Drop a rose, Ducks are following me
- Eye burners
- Fartled – when you fart and startle yourself, Father’s day gift, Fluffers, Flufferdoodle, Flutterby, Fluffies, Fotzsie
- Gentlemen, start your engines!, Gooz (Afgani) as in “did you gooz” and “I smell a gooz”, Global warming
I Heard A Buck Snort…
- Heiny noise, Heralding the day, Hibbed, as in “I hibbed” named after a Mrs. Hibbs, a flatulent teacher
- I heard a buck snort, Is there a frog in the room?, It’s the gas from your ass, It’s the toot from your boot
- Little puffs of deliciousness, Low flying ducks
- Making a piggy, Mighty big mice around here, Mim’s powder puffs (from someone named Mim), Moose is loose, My pants are talking
- Nuke (when there is a little fallout)
- One cheek squeak, Opened/ing your lunchbox
- Paperless criticism, Playing the butt trumpet, Poofwaffe, Pooms, Pooty-poot, Promp, or “pompse”, which is the child’s pronunciation. Norwegian for “an explosion between the legs”, Prub – a backwards “burp”, Prumping, Pumper rumper
What Do YOU Call Farts?
- Rare poofin-eagle, RELIEF, Release the Kraken, Rude Rudy, Rudy tooty, Rumble butt, Rustling of the robes
- SBD, silent but deadly, Shooting bunnies, Silent deadlines, Skirt lifter, Smeller’s the feller, Smuggling ducks, Soul of the beans going to heaven, Squeeze cheese
- The garlic fevers, The haunting, The one the swamp wouldn’t keep, The vapors, Thunder from down under, Tootaloots, Tootling, Trafing (traf = fart spelled backwards), Tree frogs, Trench warfare, Trouser cough, Trump/trumped, Tuba tuning
- Unicorn puffs, Who bupped? (Vietnamese, always blame another person)
- Who let Fluffy off the chain? (if it is a stinker), Who let Polly out of prison, Warning shot, Windy pops, Wizz pop
- Vard and Varding
Random Fart-Filled Humor
“Farts are just the screams of trapped poop” – provided by a medical professional
“My mother does not acknowledge they exist”
“I grew up really believing that girls didn’t fart. This is what we were taught – and I believe it. The first time I heard a girl fart, I didn’t know what was going on”.
“Growing up we never farted. It just wasn’t done”
Are You Laughing Yet?
“Having been an experienced fart lighter…you can determine the chemical contents of your fart by the color of the flame and the odor of the burnt fart. Clearly there is a good reason I became a Pediatric Neurologist rather than a Pediatric Gastroenterologist”
“I just call out my brother’s name”
“A warning shot.” Uh oh, what do you call it when you mean business? “After my body issues a warning shot, I know I have to aim for the head”.
Smelly Farts vs. Loud Ones
After we received so many entries for the fart description part of our article, we decided to ask about smell vs. sound. This came up because we realized that smelly farts were often derided, while loud ones could be treated humorously. Why was this, we wondered?
Yeah, We Laughed, Too
“I was gonna say one of my favorite things ever in life was when I saw a deaf person rip a huge juicy fart in an aisle at Walmart, and then move on like nothing happened while the few people who heard and saw it cringed in horror, and then a few people walked into the cloud and choked. The dealer was casually looking at stuff on an endcap four aisles down, completely oblivious. Srsly. Best day out shopping ever.”
When In Doubt, Blame The Dog
“I completely agree, the noisy ones, the silly sounding ones, the noisy at the worst moment ones, those are considered funny by bystanders if not the culprit. If it is smelly, derision, shaming, etc. takes place AS IF no one else but the culprit has ever had a stinky fart. The most interesting ones, however, the loud funny ones that attack with stink at the end! In those cases, it begins with laughter and ends with a shocked, ‘ewe, oh my god, what crawled up your butt?’ And other such comments!”
“Auditory I find to be most humorous. I even have a fart app on my phone. Makes me laugh.”
The Fart Stories Never End
“After 42 years of marriage we still say, ‘Did you?’ The dogs are good scapegoats.”
“I think they’re all funny. I feel like as an adult, I have to ignore them sometimes, but it’s literally the hardest thing I’ve done that day when it happens.”
“Audible brings much more joy. Last year for a 7-year-old old birthday I got her a fart noise machine (small and hand-held with 9 different sounds) and then we all played Twister as a family …Well it went on for hours of uproarious laughter. Everyone had a great time pushing certain buttons at opportune moments in the Twister game”.
Keep It Lighthearted
“When someone burps…and they excuse themselves, we sometime hear someone else say ‘better up than down’, meaning in the hierarchy of body functions/noises, audible burps rank higher than farts…likely as they do not linger….lol.”
“It’s the difference between directness and passive aggression!”
“I’ve thought about hiding a fart machine when people walk too close without a mask.”
Farting Is An Everyday Occurrence
“There is also the driver in the car who has control of the windows.”
“Once I was in the produce section of a grocery store. I really had to fart and I thought it would be silent. It wasn’t. Nearby, was a woman pushing a cart with a baby in it. She remained stoic and ignored the situation. Her baby was laughing hysterically. So much for discretion.”
Farting Is NOT Rude!
“And when you do it in court while on television the people next to you now have the right to exclaim, ‘How Rudy of you!'”
“I think it’s very rude to pass gas while eating with others, so I have instituted a rule against it in my household. I feel like if you’re potty trained you can usually—not always— refrain from passing gas until you’re in a private spot. If you pause and lift one cheek off the chair, then you’re aware and in control, and you had better be excusing yourself from the table before you pollute my meal!”
Farting Is Human
“There’s a Kurt Vonnegut novel where, at the end, humans have evolved into kind of seal-like creatures, but he states that one of the things that still makes them human is that they still giggle when someone farts.”
For good measure, here is the quote: “And people still laugh about as much as they ever did, despite their shrunken brains. If a bunch of them are lying around on a beach, and one of them farts, everybody else laughs and laughs, just as people would have done a million years ago.”
Another Famous Vonnegut Fart Quote
Vonnegut also gave us this quote from his book, A Man Without A Country, which might be the most profound use of the word and concept: “I tell you, we are here on Earth to fart around, and don’t let anybody tell you different.”
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