The U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory in 2023 stating that there is an epidemic of loneliness in our country, and that this lack of connecting can increase the risk for premature death. The report explains that this is not due to COVID, and in fact pre-dates that epidemic. In a study prior to the COVID outbreak, about half of U.S. adults reported that they felt lonely.
The advisory goes on to report that the physical consequences of poor connection can include a 29% increased risk of heart disease; a 32% increased risk of stroke; and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults.
What Is To Blame?
Society has been moving in new directions. Jobs are changed more often. People physically move more often. Technology has dramatically changed how we interact with one another. Far less face-to-face interactions occur. Speaking person to person is happening less, whether it is in person or by phone. We are stuck with our heads in our smart phones, tablets, and computers.
What Ages Are Impacted?
Individuals across various age brackets are experiencing a decrease in face-to-face interactions compared to the past two decades. The advisory highlighted that this trend is particularly prominent among individuals aged 15-24, who are observed to have a significant 70% reduction in social interaction with their peers.
It has become common for young people to substitute in-person relationships with social media platforms, leading to connections of lower quality.
How Can Society Combat Loneliness?
The advisory offered 6 steps that our government and society can take to help:
- Strengthening social infrastructure, which includes things like parks and libraries as well as public programs.
- Enacting pro-connection public policies at every level of government, including things like accessible public transportation or paid family leave.
- Mobilizing the health sector to address the medical needs that stem from loneliness.
- Reforming digital environments to “critically evaluate our relationship with technology.”
- Deepening our knowledge through more robust research into the issue.
- Cultivating a culture of connection.
What Can YOU Do To help Yourself?
If you are experiencing loneliness, or know someone who is, there are absolutely steps you can take. As the saying goes, no time like the present!
If your loneliness feels overwhelming please ask for help. You can find support here at Find A Helpline.
Get Rid Of Old Habits
Take an objective look at how you live your life and assess whether positive changes could be made. Here are some comments from those who have made in-roads into making friends:
“I stopped trying to prove I was smarter and better than everyone and I started taking interest in other people’s accomplishments.”
“Actively try to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You can start by writing down a list of activities that you would like to do but are scared of pursuing, like going to a party and talking to people, or even just talking to a cashier.”
“I stopped being judgmental, and overly critical. I started taking an interest in other people. I also just started being around other people and stopped being a hermit.”
Say Yes
Admittedly old habits die hard, and it can be difficult for many of us to make the first move. One way to hack that fear or lack of initiation is to say “yes” to invites.
Here is what some have suggested:
“I Started saying yes to any invitations, even if I wasn’t interested in the event…Turns out that broadening your tastes makes you a much more interesting person.”
“I stopped cancelling plans if acquaintances mentioned hanging out…I would commit and follow through on those plans or take the initiative and make arrangements myself instead of waiting for them to call. When you cancel or back out of something at the beginning of a friendship or relationship, some people tend to not ask again.
“I started using the word Yes a lot more often. It changed my entire outlook and made me a part of things instead of an outsider.”
Look For Clubs, Organizations & Groups to Join
Finding people to talk to, or socialize with, can be difficult, especially if this is not something you are practiced at. Finding an established group is a great way to go.
- Do you like to walk? Maybe there is a hiking club near you. Even inner cities have walking clubs.
- Are you an avid reader? Find an event to go listen to an author present their work.
- Are you a knitter? Look for a knitting club.
- In school? Look to school clubs, which can be as varied as theater to photography, robotics to creative writing, art history to video game.
Therapy
Therapy can help. According to PositivePsychology.com and Melissa Madeson PhD, human beings are hardwired for social connection and interaction. When those are missing, we feel lonely, and it affects our physical and mental health.
She suggests individual therapy and treatment such as Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, psychodynamic therapies, and talk therapy to improve communication and solitary skills.
Consider group therapy. Hearing from others sharing the same experience can be helpful.
Travel & Visit Someplace New
Travel always broadens horizons, but you don’t have to travel abroad, or even far. Maybe you always go to the same coffeeshop around the corner. Why not try one in a nearby town, or across town, if you are in a city. A whole new group of people will be there.
There are folks who have never visited their hometown “sites”. Is your area known for something that you have never visited? A monument, building or something of historical significance? Why not check it out?
Meetup.com
Are you aware of Meetup.com? It is a fantastic website where you can find meetings, events and groups to join. You can put in your town and zip code and see what offerings are nearby.
They range from board game meetups, to hiking groups, foraging walks, meditation groups, really anything you can think of.
You can usually go to just one meeting to see if it feels right for you, or you can start a group per your own interests.
Also check out Eventbrite.com as an additional resource.
Volunteer!
Maybe people who have experienced loneliness say that helping others has helped themselves immensely. There are always needs for volunteers.
Check for local soup kitchens, hospice, libraries, schools, after-school programs, camps, hospitals, animal shelters, charity organizations, community centers, state and national parks, local parks, and faith organizations. You can find places to volunteer on Volunteer Match.
Words of Wisdom
Let’s end with some more positive ideas from those who have succeeded.
“Try doing things other people are interested in. That really popular TV show? Watch it. That trendy song? Give it a listen. Someone recommends a restaurant or a movie to you? Check it out and tell them what you think.”
“I stopped trying to make every relationship a super meaningful one. Not everyone will become a lifelong friend that knows your life story. Some friends will be more surface level buddies and that’s completely fine.”
“I ditched my hermit lifestyle, became less judgmental, and actually talked to people! Who knew?!”
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