I was having coffee with my friend Sarah last week when she casually asked me, “Did you and Tom ever talk about your wills?” My stomach dropped. Let’s be honest here, we hadn’t. Not really. Sure, we joked about it sometimes “When I die, don’t let the cat inherit everything” but real, sit down and discuss your financial legacy with your spouse conversations? Never.
Estate lawyers estimate that 10–15% of surviving spouses will be left out of a will. Surviving spouses often have the legal right to a portion of their late partner’s estate. Even if you had those conversations, the other partner could still change their will and exclude you without your knowledge.
As I told Sarah over our lattes, if you think this can’t happen to you, then you need to hear some not-so-fun facts about estate planning as a married couple.
Marriage Isn’t Automatic Inheritance Insurance
Wedding vows don’t automatically update your financial or estate plan. According to a 2023 case in the UK (Kaur v. Estate of Karnail Singh), an Ontario wife named in her husband’s will received nothing because he excluded her.
Shocking but true. Courts often put aside prenups or divorce papers that a spouse signed under pressure or without understanding the implications. So just because you’re married or even divorce doesn’t mean a court will uphold those agreements against your wishes if the other person argues you were pressured.
Legal Battles Bankrupt You
Filing a lawsuit to contest a will or estate is often emotionally and financially devastating. Lawyers report, probate records show that over 25% of contested wills involve surviving spouses. These cases can run from $10k to $50k in legal fees and drag on for years while your savings get eaten up by attorneys.
Meanwhile, family members who were excluded by the late spouse will sue you. Even if you win, by the time the courts give you whatever the estate has left, the battle will have taken an emotional and financial toll that makes it hard to enjoy the victory.
Emotional Fallout Goes Beyond Normal Grief
Losing your life partner is already one of the hardest things any of us will ever go through, but finding out they cut you out of their will brings layers of pain and grief that therapists are just beginning to understand.
Counselors report that spouses who feel their partner cheated them emotionally or financially after death by disinheriting them often experience complex grief, adjustment disorder, or even chronic depression and PTSD.
Financial Security Vanishes Overnight
Recent national research shows that widowed women live in poverty twice as often as their male counterparts. Women overall are 80% more likely than men to be living in poverty at age 65 and older.
You thought your spouse loved you and had your best interests at heart? Turns out you had no clue how completely financially dependent you were until you suddenly can’t make rent or pay your utility bills. The ones who seemed to have it all under control, who probably even brought home more money than you, are now sobbing at the grocery store because they’ve never had to count every penny before.
State Laws Protect You Vary By Zip Code
Where you live when your spouse dies makes a huge difference in your rights. Right now, 43 states have an “elective share” law that lets surviving spouses claim a portion of an estate even if they’re left out of a will. Protection level can range from ⅓ to ½ of the estate, or be practically meaningless.
The seven states that offer no elective share protection at all are the real wild cards, where a surviving spouse can get totally shut out of an estate with no legal way to change the distribution.
If you didn’t know state laws when you married and picked where to live, your financial future now depends on a decision you made years ago that nobody discussed at the time. So those vows you thought protected your inheritance are really at the mercy of 50 different state legislatures that changed the rules as often as they like.
Most Married Couples Don’t Have The Talk
Here’s a number that should make all married people take pause: According to a 2024 Couples & Money Study by Fidelity Financial Services, only 39% of couples say they have openly discussed their estate plans with one another.
“We’ll figure it out” and “Of course we’d take care of each other” turn out to be no legal protection when faced with a cheating spouse or an angry adult child. Tens of thousands of surviving spouses didn’t even think to ask specific questions about a will until it was too late.
The money talk never happens until an ex or a creditor calls, which leaves a big hole in information between spouses. Awkward, morbid, and complicated, of course, people avoid talking about inheritance. Sometimes, couples even hold back from discussing wills because they don’t want the other partner to think they’re greedy or getting ready to die or something.
Legally Executed Wills Are Hard To Overturn
Family courts don’t care what you think should’ve happened; they only care about what your late spouse signed. Probate court records show that about 50% of estate will contests result in the surviving spouse getting more from the estate than the original will planned.
A will can be completely legal and totally unfair at the same time. The deceased’s will excludes a surviving spouse with a later marriage or bad credit, but legally, that spouse has no say in the matter because the will was properly executed.
Working With Advisors Saves Families
A 2023 Trusts & Estates Journal study found that families who use professional estate planning advisors experience fewer disputes and higher overall satisfaction with their estate distributions than those who try to go it alone.
Professional attorneys and financial planners not only know how to do the paperwork right, but they also know how family dynamics work and structure trusts, accounts, and beneficiary designations. They can protect everyone’s interests without trashing the others’ lives in the process.
Family Pressures Change Wills
Adult children and other relatives have far more sway over an estate plan than many spouses realize. Estate lawyers have worked with cases where adult children tried to persuade the deceased to change their will to exclude or minimize a surviving spouse. Often, these situations are in blended families where the surviving children feel like the surviving spouse will take everything.
Family members will sometimes manipulate elderly parents during vulnerable times like illness or mourning, and guilt them into changing their will. A surviving spouse might also be left out if a child repeatedly badmouths them to the parent–comments about the spouse’s overspending, remarriage, or deserving grandchildren can gradually build up to reduce a survivor’s share.
Wills Left Out Of Date Easily Break Down
Americans change their wills far less often than their life circumstances require. Caring.com conducted a 2024 survey that found that almost 60% of respondents haven’t updated their will in 5 or more years
Sure, a good will covers most eventualities, but a major life change should trigger a review. Marriage, divorce, births, deaths, job losses, disability–those are big will triggers. An old will might exclude a current spouse but still have a deceased one listed.
Extended Family Splits Break Into Splinters
Being left out of a spouse’s will can strain finances and damage long-standing family relationships. According to Joy in the Home, surviving spouses often report losing trust in stepchildren, in-laws, or other relatives after feeling excluded or betrayed during estate matters. Holidays get ugly, neutral friends side with someone, and long-term friendships are left in shambles.
Professional Mental Health Intervention Becomes Necessary
One of the best things that many surviving spouses find is specialized support groups that know what they went through. Shame and embarrassment about being disinherited keep too many people from getting the help they need, making the grieving and healing process so much harder.
Professional counselors can untangle the complicated grief and guilt while giving you specific coping skills and strategies. By itself, that probably isn’t enough to make the process easier, but combined with updated financial advice, it’s a lifeline.
State Laws Matter A Lot
Surviving spouses will discover that their legal inheritance rights vary drastically from state to state. For example, community property states like California and Texas have laws that offer more protection to surviving spouses.
In contrast, in common law states, surviving spouses are much more vulnerable to being disinherited. Some states have homestead exemptions that give you the right to live in the family home, while others offer no such protection.
Estate protection is essentially a game you play where the rules change depending on where you live. A will that would’ve saved you in one state might damn you in another, all because you filed for probate after a move or death in different locations.
Estate disputes should be easier to avoid than other marriage problems.
Estate planning is only once every few decades, not a daily argument like money, chores, or work schedules. Communication breakdowns and cheating spouses surprise no one, but for estate planning, we expect these once-in-a-generation tasks to magically “work out” between spouses.
The poor or inflexible partner always needs to bend to the other’s wishes, again. Guess what? People lie, people hide things, and people have grudges and then die before ever telling anyone about their grievances. Estate planning may only happen once or twice in a marriage, but the fallout from bad planning is with you for the rest of your life.
How Total Beginners Are Building Wealth Fast in 2025—No Experience Needed
How Total Beginners Are Building Wealth Fast in 2025
I used to think investing was something you did after you were already rich. Like, you needed $10,000 in a suit pocket and a guy named Chad at some fancy firm who knew how to “diversify your portfolio.” Meanwhile, I was just trying to figure out how to stretch $43 to payday.
But a lot has changed. And fast. In 2025, building wealth doesn’t require a finance degree—or even a lot of money. The tools are simpler. The entry points are lower. And believe it or not, total beginners are stacking wins just by starting small and staying consistent.
Click here and let’s break down how.
5 Easy Steps to Change Any Habit
5 Easy Steps to Change Any Habit
We all click on them with the hope that just THIS time the secret to changing a bad habit or adopting a healthy one will be revealed and we’ll finally be able to stick to that diet, stop that one or ten things that might in the moment make us feel temporarily good but really just make us fat, unhealthy, sad, mad or just frustrated with ourselves.
Well… this isn’t one of those articles. I don’t have 5 easy steps to help you change your habits….
