Do you feel like you’re arguing with someone from a completely different planet? You might just be experiencing the effects of a reality that’s been completely inverted by a narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a real and complex mental health condition. While some estimates suggest NPD affects about 1% to 2% of the U.S. population, one major epidemiological study from the National Institutes of Health found the lifetime prevalence to be as high as 6.2%, affecting 7.7% of men and 4.8% of women.
The key to understanding this baffling behavior is realizing that their entire worldview isn’t based on reality as you and I know it. This carefully constructed reality is built on a foundation of powerful delusions that protect their fragile ego at all costs.
Here are the 17 delusions narcissists have about themselves and life.
They believe they are fundamentally more special than everyone else
This isn’t just high self-esteem; it’s a core, unshakable belief in their own superiority and uniqueness. The American Psychiatric Association’s official diagnostic manual (the DSM-5) lists a “grandiose sense of self-importance” and a belief that they are “‘special’ and unique” as hallmarks of NPD.
They genuinely believe they can only be understood by other special, high-status people and should only associate with them. This delusion drives them to exaggerate their achievements and talents, expecting to be recognized as superior even without the accomplishments to back it up.
But here’s the twist. This delusion of being “special” isn’t a sign of genuine self-love. It’s actually a desperate defense mechanism. While they project an image of extreme confidence, it’s a mask for “secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure”.
Renowned researcher Brené Brown frames this perfectly, defining narcissism as “the shame-based fear of being ordinary”. Their grandiosity isn’t a strength; it’s a fragile shield that needs constant admiration from others to keep from collapsing.
They believe the rules of life don’t apply to them
This flows directly from the delusion of being special. If you’re superior, then the standard rules of society, relationships, and even ethics are for “ordinary” people. This is the root of their profound and unwavering sense of entitlement.
According to the DSM-5, they have “unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations”. This isn’t just about wanting the best table at a restaurant; it’s about having the best experience. It’s a deep-seated conviction that they are above the constraints that govern everyone else. This can show up as anything from ignoring traffic laws to financial irresponsibility to infidelity, all without a shred of guilt.
This belief that rules don’t apply is a protective shield. It prevents them from having to compete on a level playing field where they might fail or be exposed as inadequate. By placing themselves outside the system, they reject any judgment it might impose. This allows them to maintain their delusion of perfection. If they fail, it’s because the system was flawed or someone else didn’t follow their rules, not because they were lacking.
They believe their feelings are undeniable facts
This is a cognitive distortion called “emotional reasoning,” and it’s a mind-bender. The logic is unshakable and straightforward: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
If they feel slighted, then you intended to slight them. If they feel jealous, then you must have been misbehaving. Reality is a distant second to their emotional state. They interpret everything through a lens that confirms their own importance. This is why arguments with them are so maddening; you’re debating facts while they are operating from a place of “emotional truth”.
By treating their emotions as facts, they create a reality where your feelings and perspective are automatically invalid. This gives them absolute control over the relationship’s narrative.
They believe they are entitled to admiration, not that it must be earned
Most of us understand that respect and admiration are earned through actions and character. The narcissist believes admiration is their birthright. They require “constant, excessive admiration” just for showing up.
Their self-esteem is like a “balloon that gradually loses air without a steady stream of applause and recognition to keep it inflated”. This isn’t just a preference; it’s a psychological necessity. They need this external validation, or “narcissistic supply,” to regulate their unstable sense of self. When they don’t get it, they can become intensely impatient or angry. Think of it less like a desire and more like an addiction.
They develop a “tolerance,” needing larger and larger doses of praise to achieve the same effect. And they experience “withdrawal” when admiration is withheld, reacting with rage or depression. This explains their extreme hypersensitivity to criticism; it cuts off their supply of it.
They believe they are the main character in every story
In the narcissist’s mind, the world is a stage, and everyone else is just a supporting actor in their life’s movie. They are excessively self-referential, interpreting all events through the lens of “How does this affect me?”.
This is why they monopolize conversations, constantly redirecting the topic back to themselves. If you share a success, they’ll either one-up you or explain how they made it happen. If you share a struggle, they’ll pivot to how it inconveniences them.
As therapist Darlene Lancer puts it, “With a narcissist, it’s never about you. It’s always about them”.
They believe any criticism is an act of war
For a narcissist, there is no such thing as constructive feedback. Because their self-image is so grandiose yet so fragile, any perceived criticism, no matter how gentle or well-intentioned, is experienced as a profound, malicious attack.
This is known as “narcissistic injury”. It’s a wound to their ego that can trigger “narcissistic rage,” an explosive and disproportionate anger that can include insults, threats, and devaluation. They will go to incredible lengths to “devalue or invalidate the person criticizing them” just to protect their ego.
This rage isn’t just an emotional outburst. It’s a strategic tool to shut down accountability. When you offer valid criticism (e.g., “You were late”), it threatens their delusion of perfection. So, they erupt in rage, accusing you of being disrespectful or cruel.
Suddenly, the original issue is forgotten. The new topic is their rage and your “attack.” The conversation has been successfully derailed, and they’ve avoided taking any responsibility.
They believe they are always the victim, never the aggressor
This is one of their most potent and confusing delusions. No matter how much harm they cause, in their mind, they are the ones who have been wronged. They are masters of blame-shifting and playing the victim to escape responsibility.
Dr. Ramani Durvasula states, “A narcissist paints a picture of themselves as being the victim or innocent in all aspects”. If they cheat, it’s because their partner was neglectful. If they yell, it’s because they were “provoked.” This tactic is a cornerstone of their psychological defense, allowing them to see themselves as a good person while engaging in harmful behavior.
This victim stance isn’t just a reaction to conflict; it’s what enables their bad behavior in the first place. By preemptively casting themselves as the victim, they create a narrative where their harmful actions aren’t aggression, but “self-defense” or justified retaliation. This delusion allows them to inflict pain without feeling guilt, because in their mind, you “deserved it.”
They believe they are incapable of being wrong
Admitting a mistake threatens their entire sense of superiority. To be wrong is to be flawed, and to be flawed is to be ordinary, their greatest fear. Therefore, they will deny, deflect, and distort reality to avoid ever having to admit fault.
Author Jeffrey Kluger notes, “There’s a reason narcissists don’t learn from mistakes, and that’s because they never get past the first step, which is admitting that they made one.”This is why apologies from a narcissist are so rare. When they do happen, they often feel hollow or are actually disguised blame-shifting, such as the classic “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
They believe their memory is a perfect, factual record (and will rewrite it to be so)
Narcissists don’t just misremember events; they actively rewrite history to fit their narrative. This isn’t simple forgetfulness; it’s a profound distortion of reality to protect their ego.
Experts call this “confabulation” or “delusional amnesia”. They literally “get rid of any information that challenges their grandiose self-perception”.They will fervently believe their own invented scenarios, which is a key component of gaslighting,a manipulation tactic designed to make you doubt your own sanity.
This rewriting of history is often an automatic, unconscious defense mechanism. A memory of them being abusive or wrong is a direct threat to the grandiose “False Self” they’ve built to survive. To avoid the pain this memory would cause, their mind unconsciously “erases” or “rewrites” it. They then invent a plausible new memory to fill the gap and believe it with absolute conviction. This is why they are so convincing when they gaslight you.
They believe everyone is secretly jealous of them
This is a classic case of psychological projection. Deep down, narcissists are consumed by envy towards others who have the success, happiness, or qualities they desire. Unable to consciously process this painful emotion, they flip it and project it outward.
The DSM-5 lists “Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her” as a key criterion. This belief serves two purposes: it reinforces their sense of superiority (“People are jealous because I’m so great”) and it allows them to dismiss any criticism they receive as simple “jealousy”.
They believe empathy is a weakness to be exploited, not a strength
Narcissists fundamentally lack emotional empathy, the ability to feel what others are feeling. They might have cognitive empathy—the ability to understand what someone is feeling intellectually—but they see it as a tool for manipulation, not connection.
To a narcissist, your vulnerability and empathy are not bridges for connection but levers for control. To the narcissist, empathy is a weakness. They perceive others’ feelings and needs as signs of weakness and will exploit your kindness to achieve their own goals.
They believe relationships are purely for personal gain
In the narcissist’s world, relationships are not about mutuality, intimacy, or shared connection. They are transactional. People are either beneficial to them or they are not.
The DSM-5’s alternative model for NPD highlights that their relationships are “largely superficial and exist to serve self-esteem regulation” with a “predominance of a need for personal gain”. They form friendships and partnerships with people who boost their status or self-esteem.
They believe their charm gives them the right to manipulate
Many narcissists are incredibly charming, charismatic, and exciting, especially at first. They see this charm not as a way to connect, but as a weapon to disarm people and get what they want.
This initial charm is a key part of the “love bombing” phase. They shower a new partner with excessive affection and attention to “quickly win a person’s trust and affection”.Once you’re hooked, the charm can be switched off, and the manipulation and control begin.
Psychotherapist Alena Scigliano says, “They’ll be the most charming person you can imagine as long as there is something that they want from you”.
They believe their grand fantasies are an inevitable future
Narcissists are “preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or the perfect mate”. They don’t see these as daydreams; they see them as a blueprint for a future they are absolutely entitled to.
These fantasies serve as a protective bubble, shielding them from a reality that doesn’t support their grandiose self-view. This fantasy world makes them feel special and in control. However, this often leads to a “Grandiosity Gap” —a massive chasm between their imagined abilities and their actual accomplishments —causing them to avoid risks and refuse to take on anything that might lead to failure.
They believe they can’t be held accountable for their actions
Accountability requires admitting fault, which a narcissist’s ego cannot tolerate. They have a delusional belief in their own blamelessness.
This is the engine behind their constant blame-shifting. They will always find an external reason for their failures or bad behavior. It’s your fault, their boss’s fault, the universe’s fault—never their own. As Dr. Ramani Durvasula puts it, “A narcissist hates accountability”. This is because accountability threatens their sense of control and their carefully crafted image of perfection.
They believe love is about control, not connection
For a narcissist, the goal of a relationship is not to build a partnership with an equal. It’s to establish dominance and control over another person.
They see relationships as a struggle for dominance. Their manipulation tactics, from gaslighting to isolation to financial control, are all designed to maintain power. Narcissists don’t want partners; they want puppets.
Their love is conditional and transactional. It is given to reward compliance and withheld to punish dissent.
They believe they are far more self-aware than they actually are
This is perhaps the most ironic delusion of all. While some studies show narcissists can admit to being self-centered on a superficial level, they lack the deep emotional insight to understand why they behave the way they do or the actual impact it has on others.
They shun introspection because it risks exposing the fragile, shame-filled self they work so hard to hide. Their lack of empathy prevents them from truly grasping how their actions make others feel.
This creates a profound disconnect. They may describe their own manipulative behaviors with a detached, intellectual understanding, but miss entirely the emotional devastation they cause. They see the moves on the chessboard but are blind to the pain of the pieces.
Key takeaways
It is important to remember that a narcissist’s delusions aren’t just quirks or signs of a big ego. They are a complex, deeply ingrained psychological defense system built to protect a profoundly fragile sense of self from what they fear most: being seen as ordinary, flawed, and insignificant.
Understanding that you are not dealing with a person who shares your reality is the first and most critical step in protecting your own mental health and breaking free from their confusing and damaging orbit.
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Disclaimer – This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.
Disclosure: This article was developed with the assistance of AI and was subsequently reviewed, revised, and approved by our editorial team.
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